An Ugly Shade of Green

An Ugly Shade of Green

Whether it be a simple moment of anger, or a relentless tick of irritation, we all have experienced jealousy at some point. It wells up within us, and has the potential to consume our thoughts, our attitude, and even our actions. As someone who has fallen into the trap of jealousy, I have discovered the pain, the anger, and the unnecessary baggage it can cause. It’s interesting, isn’t it, how we feel we must hold tight to the very thing that can destroy us? Letting go of this jealousy can be tough. However, I would argue that letting go is not only freeing, but can change an entire outlook of other people.

The Truth: Jealousy distorts reality.

Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Proverbs 27:4

When jealousy becomes a prominent factor in life, it’s easy to put others on a pedestal. The flaws of that person seem to wither away, and suddenly they have reached perfection. Or maybe you’re the opposite; you think, “Wow, my life is terrible because I’m not like them/I don’t have what they have.” I mean honestly, how ridiculous does this all sound? But yet we say things like this anyway. When we allow jealousy to be a part of our life, it can consume us, it can confuse us, and it can abuse us!  

The Truth: Jealousy fuels anger.

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

When jealousy has a hold on your life, a single message; a single word can put you over the edge. The happier they are, the angrier you get. At this stage, it’s safe to say jealousy has gotten out of hand in your life. As easy as it is to become bitter towards a person because you don’t have “what they have,” we must be intentional about remembering our blessings and knowing they aren’t perfect either.

The Truth: Letting go of jealousy changes everything.

A heart of peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

Whether it be your attitude, your outlook, or your self-confidence, letting go opens a door to a whole new view. Instead of being dragged down by comparing yourself to others, you are now free to enjoy the blessings in your life. As crazy as this may sound, you may even be able to rejoice in others’ blessings as well. From my personal experiences, I have found great joy, peace, and gratefulness from letting go of jealousy. Sure, it’s hard to let go, but it’s completely worth it.

Things to pray for overcoming jealousy:

·         God, I surrender. James 4:10

·         God, show me truth. John 8:22

·         God, give me faith in you to overcome this.  1 John 5:4

Until next time,

-Tamara

An [Un]fulfilled Life

 

An [Un]fulfilled Life

 

 

You and I were born incomplete.  Before a single word even came out of your mouth, before you made a single decision, there was a void.  As human beings, if necessary we will devote our entire lives to fulfilling this feeling of emptiness. We paint on a face as though everything is perfect, yet deep down, many of us are left searching for that missing piece. Universally, we all want to feel as though we are loved and have a purpose.  However, we often make the mistake of placing the responsibility of our fulfillment on personal goals, material things, or even other people.

The truth: People, things, and even YOU cannot fill the void in your life.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Proverbs 14:12

In a world filled with sin and imperfection, it is simply impossible for us to find fulfillment by means of human capabilities.  As much as I’d like to believe that I can be complete by creating goals and filling my life with many pleasing things, I am instead left still feeling empty.  As I’ve been reading the book of Ecclesiastes, the persistent theme of actions, possessions, and accomplishments perceived as “meaningless” has illustrated to me the harsh reality that no matter what I do, and no matter what I achieve or receive, I cannot be fulfilled by the things of this world.  The verse above states, “the way which seems right to a man will end in death.”  Essentially that means when we choose to do things our way, we are not only left unfulfilled, but also guilty of sin.

The truth: Surrendering your desires, your future, and your purpose is the first step to fulfillment.

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet. James 4:7-10 (MSG)

As hard as this may seem, surrendering these things will give you a sense of freedom.  The truth is, we are not created to carry the burdens of our lives, and it is essential we accept the fact that are fulfillment is not dependent on ourselves or others, rather, is dependent on our Creator.

The truth: There is One who will carry your burdens, instill purpose, and give freedom in your life if you let Him.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

…and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority Colossians 2:10

Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me. John 14:6

Whether we like it or not, humans are simply incapable of filling in all the gaps.  Sure, we can make ourselves happy for a period of time, but the unyielding peace, joy, and love we all desire only comes from Christ. In a culture that praises being self-sufficient, it’s easy to get sucked into believing we can truly be complete on our own. However, when our friends let us down, when possessions or goals don’t bring us that fullness, or even when we let ourselves down, there is only One who can pick us back up.  He puts us back together; He restores our strength; He forgives; and He fills in the gaps. You see, we don’t need to keep seeking ways to feel complete.  When we simply make the decision to surrender our everything to God, He will give us complete fulfillment.  When we give our everything to God, we need nothing BUT God.

Until next time,

-Tamara

Perfection

Perfection

 

 

It’s something we all desire.  It’s something many seek.  It’s something unattainable as a result of our fallen nature. The world is teaching “nobody’s perfect,” and “just accept people the way they are,” but since when is it okay to disregard our morality and replace it with acceptance?  You see, that’s where the world separates from the Christian faith.  This may come as a surprise to some, but interestingly enough, Christ actually asks us, as Christ-followers, to be perfect.  In Matthew 5:48 Jesus states, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect.” The first time I read these words, quite frankly, I was confused.  Jesus is asking of us something beyond our own capability.  He was well aware of the fact that we are all born into sin, yet He boldly instructed us to “be perfect.”  Why would God ask us to do something; to be something we cannot possibly attain? 

The truth: God is perfect.

As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD's word is flawless Psalm 18:30

Although this point is basic, it is essential to remember when we analyze Matthew 5:48.  If Christ was the only perfect one, Jesus was essentially calling us to do everything we can to live our lives as He did.  The word Christian is literally defined as, “one who lives according to the teachings of Jesus.”  If Jesus was and is perfect and it is our calling to be like Him, we are essentially living our lives in pursuit of perfection.

The truth: Working towards perfection can be a healthy thing.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶ and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷ and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. ⁸ For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8

To make myself clear, I am not suggesting perfectionism; which is the very unhealthy tendency of nitpicking every minor detail. Rather, a pursuit of perfection. It is necessary that we constantly seek to be like the only man ever to be perfect; Christ.  God has asked us to seek this goal, and by doing so we will grow spiritually, become more Christ-like, and increase our impact on others.

The truth: God works amidst our imperfections.

If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us 2 John 4:12

Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. John 14:12

As stated earlier, God knows we can’t be perfect.  He absolutely wants us to strive for perfection, but He is able to do incredible things despite the areas where we fall short. I love the verses listed above because it gives me hope.  When I try my very best to follow Christ and still fall short, God will perfect the inadequate parts of me.

In essence, following Christ is a constant pursuit of perfection; and what better person to lead than the one and only Perfect One! Sure, we may fall short sometimes, but nonetheless it is necessary that we continue this pursuit.  When we become comfortable and complacent with our imperfections, we begin to lose sight of the goal.  As contradictory as it may seem to mankind, we are in fact expected to strive for perfection.  It is this pursuit which will propel us from a lukewarm Christian to one which truly models what Christ has represented all along.

Until next time,

-Tamara

"The Haitian Sensation"

 

Please excuse the quotations throughout the story, it was created for an English assignment.  However, I hope you enjoy as my story takes you back to a trip I took Spring of last year: Haiti 2012.

 The Haitian Sensation

 

 Tamara Sturdivant

5/22/13

 

 

The plane had just landed in Port au Prince, Haiti.  There was a deep anticipation in us all.  We all had expectations; expectations of how we would serve, and how we would make a difference in the lives of Haitians…but none of us knew the lifelong impact it would have on us. 

                The journey began as we drove along the seemingly endless, bumpy road, looking out to a world that seemed surreal.  The things we saw were heart-breaking.   The destruction seemed beyond repair, but what truly hurt was to see the hunger in the eyes of those walking the streets.  This hunger, however, was one that could not be fulfilled by food alone.  Their eyes looked like lamps blaring up just before the oil is gone (As I Lay Dying.)  An overwhelming sense of hopelessness enveloped my being, and I began to wonder how Haiti arrived at this point of devastation. 

                It’s been said before that however long the moon disappears, someday it must shine again (Little Bee.) I believe this glimmer of hope began to arise as we arrived at our destination; Les Cayes Beach.  Without a single word spoken, the atmosphere was evidently different in this particular area.  The physical devastation was still present, but as we exited the car we were greeted immediately with eager, young, smiling faces.  These strangers were clearly impacted by something; something greater than the devastation of torn down shacks they called homes; something greater than the pain they’ve faced.  God had clearly impacted their lives through the ministry on that beach, and I couldn’t wait to see what more He would do in the week we would be spending there.

                We began our first day with a service the missionary’s hold weekly, called “Kids Kabob,” or “Kids Club.”  I watched from a bench, kids on each side of me, as the faces of each child began to light up with joy.  This presence of sheer joy began to shake me.  I started to question.  If they have happiness in the midst of the seemingly unbearable struggles they must face every single day, how is it that I feel justified to complain about the most insignificant things?  It’s simply not right.  Living in such a superficial part of the world, it’s natural to be one who is always “hurrying to catch up, missing the point of things that everyone else grasps at once,” (Teenage Wasteland.) In other words, it’s easy to make the mistake of keeping up with trends and fads, complaining about miniscule things, and ultimately missing the important things in life.   Seeing the joy in the children of Haiti was a wake-up call out of this empty lifestyle.  As the service continued on, hands of little children fell into my own, and my heart began to shift.  My mindset that week was to impact the lives of Haitians, yet in the first night they had already changed me.

                The week went by, and we spent much of our time building, painting, and serving.  We completed an extension to their main service building, we built, sanded, and painted dozens of benches, and we spent time loving, and playing with the children.  Each activity was something I had an expectation for.  What I didn’t know, however, was that the most life-changing experience was yet to come.

It was the final evening of our time in Haiti when a little girl grabbed hold of me and did not let go the entire night.  She looked like a statue that had been rescued from the sea…smooth where I had angles and soft where I was bone,” (Saving Sourdi.)  She had a type of innocence about her yet, like many in her country, had endured much pain.  Naturally, I am not a touchy-feely person, but this girl needed me to hold on to her.  We couldn’t speak the same language, and we didn’t come from the same background.  We had never met before, and I was to be leaving in a day.   Nonetheless, we understood each other.  Saying nothing sometimes says the most (Emily Dickinson.)  Her eyes told her story, and I answered with a smile.  I began to see the love she and many other children craved.  Although I didn’t know what she had been through, I knew that in that moment, I could comfort her.  She sat close by my side the entire evening, and I wondered how I would ever say goodbye.  The uniqueness of moment, though, is that I will always hold this little girl close to me.  I may not physically be there with her in Haiti, but I carry her heart with me—I carry it in my heart (e e Cummings.)

                As the night ended and the kids began to return to their homes, I knew I would not be seeing them for a very long time, if ever again.  The truth is, I hope God used me to make a difference in their lives, but I know He used them to make a difference in mine.  Not only have they given me a deeper appreciation for the blessings in my life, but they have taught me how to have joy, even in the midst of disaster.  I look back at the memories spent in Haiti, and remember.  You see, the thing about remembering is that you don’t forget (The Things They Carried.) I remember the physical devastation.  I remember the shacks.  I remember the people walking the streets.  I remember the joy.  I remember the pain.  I remember the hope.  As Robert Frost once stated, “Hope is not found in a way out but a way through.”  Although tragic, the struggles many Haitians faced led them to rely on hope in a Savior that has the power to change any circumstance. No skill in the world, nothing human can penetrate the [bright] future of Haiti (Oedipus.)  I can only imagine what great things may become of Haiti as a result of a small group of people on a beach in Les Cayes, but I know it will forever have a place in my heart.  I may never return to Haiti, but perhaps one day, when we all reach our eternal home, we may meet again.  To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream…for in this sleep of death what dreams may come (Hamlet.)

 



Perspective

Perspective

 

 

Opinions, biases, prejudices, assumptions. They’re everywhere, right? We all have one set of eyes, and will naturally see from one point of view.  But somehow, we are ALL right, right? Wrong.  With the limited insight we, as humans, have, it is nearly impossible to be right about everyone and everything.  The truth is, we see things wrong sometimes.  We judge people.  We label others.  We stereotype.  I’m guilty, and if I were to guess, many of you are as well!  The good news is our perspective is not one we must rely on.

The truth: God’s perspective provides insight which goes far beyond the human eye.

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. Psalm 147:5

For He views the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens. Job 28:24

When we begin to pray to see from God’s point of view rather than our own, we gain understanding and insight.  There are so many things we fail to see as humans, and we often judge based on these false pretenses.  However, God does see the whole picture, and with prayer He can begin to reveal to us the truth in many situations.

The truth: Our seemingly omniscient view is often flawed, and obstructs truth.

Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance, for the Lord is a God who knows, and by him deeds are weighed. 1 Samuel 2:3

Assuming we’re right can be a dangerous thing.  If you were simply to ask two different people what went down after a crime scene, they are likely to respond completely differently from one another.  Although they may think they are both telling the truth, some of their information given is likely to be inaccurate.  In the same sense, when we look at things simply from our point of view, we tend to miss many key factors, and may even make assumptions that are completely inaccurate.  These choices only lead us further from the truth, and hinder us from reaching the true issue (whatever it may be.)

The truth: Sensitivity to God’s insight opens many doors.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

Although vague, this truth is essential.  When we hide behind our own views, we distort the world.  We see people incorrectly, and miss opportunities.  Whether it be an opportunity for a relationship, or something much greater, when we begin to focus on God’s perspective rather than our own, revelations occur. People seem different.  Suddenly, our opinions begin to diminish, and the pains, misunderstandings, and truths about others become clearer.

As the verse states, “Any of you who lacks wisdom…ask, and it will be given to you!”  God will guide us and alter our perspective to fit the truth, we simply must ask.

I encourage you to begin to re-focus your perspective.  Are you seeing, judging, and assuming based on your own thoughts?  Or are you truly searching to see it the way God sees it? 

Until next time…

-Tamara

Fear

Fear

 

 

Fear: a crippling, gut wrenching uneasiness; a restlessness that infects your mind, body, and emotions.  Fear can be created by the most simple, insufficient things, yet has a stronghold that can overtake you if you’re not intentional about seeking the Savior in the midst of it all.  When I was a little girl, I can remember lying in my bed at night, paralyzed with fear. Sure, looking back, the things I was afraid of were probably rather insufficient and dramatic, but it didn’t matter.  The fear I faced was incredibly real.  I distinctly remember feeling as though I literally could not move because I was too afraid to.  Although being older, we may not frequently face this extreme degree of fear; it is metaphorical to the distress we so often may feel in everyday situations. There are ways to avoid fear, and there are ways to ignore fear, but I only know of One who can destroy it.

The truth: Fear is a choice.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

 Since the children are made of flesh and blood, it’s logical that the Savior took on flesh and blood in order to rescue them by his death. By embracing death, taking it into himself, he destroyed the Devil’s hold on death and freed all who cower through life Hebrews 2:14-15 (MSG)

It’s easy to fall into the trap of fear.  If you let it, fear can completely overtake your being.  On the contrary, the Bible specifically states (hundreds of times, might I add) that we don’t have to fear. Rather, we can dwell in the safety of the Lord. The simple awareness of God’s presence brings a peace greater than our own understanding.  God died for our freedom, and by simply seeking his presence He offers us this peace. Fear is, in fact, a choice as a result of God’s sacrifice.  I don’t know about you, but I think that offer sounds pretty good!

The truth: Acting in spite of fear is POWERFUL.

 God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Ephesians 6:11-12 (MSG)

Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you. Deuteronomy 3:22

Whatever your “them” in that last verse may be, it is clearly stated that if we stand up against fear, God will act on our behalf.  And from my experience, when God acts on my behalf, He moves in a powerful way!

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

God has already overcome evil, so fear is such a miniscule battle we face.  God’s got your back, there’s no need to fear!

Back to my childhood story….

This fear I faced as a child, I was very blessed to have overcome.  Although my experience may not be considered a typical way God defeats fear, I have decided to share something that reminds me (and can remind you) that God really does care about our struggles, like fear.

As stated earlier, many nights I spent, restless and paralyzed with fear.  On one particular occasion, however, I was especially fearful.  I wanted to run to my parents, but was too scared to move.  Just then, I heard a comforting voice state, “Fear not, for the Lord your God is with you.” Instantly I felt a weight had been lifted off of me.  Peace enveloped my being.  I was calm, and I could rest.  I woke up the next morning, wondering where this voice came from.  The voice seemed to have been an angel speaking to me.  Whether or not that is true, God used those words to bring me peace. 

Although God may not always audibly free you from your fear, He is dying to take away your fear, too. Literally. (Sorry, this post was lacking humor… ;) )

With that, I close….

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

-Tamara

I Found Love

I Found Love

 

 

No, this is not what you’re thinking.  I’m not here to tell you about a new boyfriend in my life, and I’m not here to tell you that “Jesus is my bf!” I have entered a season in life where it’s very common for friends of mine to feel like they need a boyfriend/girlfriend; and there’s nothing wrong with wanting this.  Needing this, however, is a different story.  As I see people feeling depressed and unwanted simply because they don’t have a date to prom a significant other, it really bothers me.  When it comes down to it, we all want to be loved.  Romantically, respectfully, and admirably. However, somewhere along the way we have distorted this romantic love into a necessity for fulfillment.  Love is something we need, yes, but a boyfriend/girlfriend is not the only way to happiness and fulfillment.

The truth: You are loved.

Before dipping into the Word, can I remind you of something?  There are people who deeply love and care about you.  For some of us, this may mean our parents, others; a close friend or mentor.  Sure, this love is not romantic.  However, it is something we must cherish.  When it comes down to it, I’m a selfish, mistake-making, imperfect individual.  Yet I am loved.

Too often, we take a single person and label them as “unloved” or “undesirable” simply because of a relationship status.  Sounds silly, but I see people do it every day! In reality, a relationship status is rather irrelevant to the great value every person has.  And nothing demonstrates the value of every individual better than what God did for us.

We all know it, but just in case you forgot…

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

When you think about it, giving up a son is a huge sacrifice.  When I think of the people closest to me, I wonder if I could sacrifice like God did.  Nonetheless, He must have found us pretty important to give up the one dearest to Him.

The truth: Love is something exciting and fun, not something meant to tear you down.

In the beginning of Genesis, we observe that God created man, then created woman. As God says, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” God gave us the opportunity of this close companionship with a significant other, but He never states the necessity for this gift.  God will meet all our needs (Isaiah 41:10), romantic love is just a little bonus ;). So it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have that “special someone.”

The truth: Love is not meant for your decoration, but is a dedication; a declaration.

Often times, we want a boyfriend/girlfriend because they spice up our life.  They make us happy, they boost our self-esteem, or they improve our image.  But really, is that what love is about at all? 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

When we search for love (romantically, or NOT romantically) in the ways the Bible describes, we find something entirely different than the butterflies or confidence we may receive from a so-called “decoration.”  Rather, we may recognize the people placed in our lives that have given us this great gift.  We recognize the gift of love God has given us. 

So truthfully, I have found love.  Whether or not romantic love comes, I have been blessed with love that’s far more fulfilling than any relationship.  God loved me so much, that He took the time to create me.  He made the sacrifice of His son to die for me.  And he did the same for you. Now that is love.

-Tamara