Dreams and Defeat

Have you ever felt like you’ve been given a front row seat to your own defeat? Unpleasant as that may sound, I think it’s something most of us can relate to on some level. In times of discouragement, we are quick to lose our sense of control. We begin to feel trapped, like helpless bystanders watching our beloved dreams unravel.

Now that I’ve set the peppy tone, let’s get real about facing defeat. As humans, we thrive on happiness, success, and fulfillment. We develop goals, aspirations and dreams that help us to grow. We set expectations, we work hard, and we bear the fruit of our actions. Right?  

But sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. There are times when our hard work displays no results. There are times when our elaborate dreams may hit a dead end. There are instances when we are left feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and overlooked. These feelings are real, and may seem completely justified. After all, God gave us the ability to pursue our dreams, so why would he let us fail?

Truthfully, we may never know the answer to why we face such trials and failures. Sometimes there may be a lesson to be learned, and other times our dreams may not have our best interest in mind. Unfortunately, our limited scope of knowledge hinders us from fully understanding the big picture. However, we can take comfort in the fact that God has promised to remain faithful to those who have been faithful to Him. As Psalm 84: 11 states,

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
 the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

This verse has been an interesting one for me. My initial interpretation was that if I am working towards a worthy goal with righteous intentions, then nothing should stand in my way from attaining it. However, that’s not quite accurate. Although my goal may be pure and my actions may be blameless, that doesn’t make it “good.” You see, where I fell short in my interpretation was understanding what “good” really meant. Good is not what humans see as just. Good is not something (we feel) we’ve earned. Rather, good is what is most beneficial. Good is what is right. Good is God’s will. While humans have a limited point of view and lack foresight, God sees a greater picture.

There have been so many occasions in my life where I wanted something so bad but didn’t get it. Looking back years later, I can honestly say some of my desires that seemed pure were not actually what was best for me. It’s so important that we learn to trust God to be faithful. I would like to encourage anyone who is feeling disheartened at this time. God sees you. He knows your heart, and He loves you more than you will ever comprehend. However, our fulfillment and happiness cannot be dependent on our dreams coming to fruition. Rather, we must find fulfillment in God. He is faithful, and He knows what is best for us.

No good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

Until next time,

Tamara

What 19 Years of Singleness Has Taught Me

Yes, you read that correctly. For the past 19 (almost 20) years of my life, I have been single. There have been phases of my life where I’ve been embarrassed, unhappy, or confused by this. I grew up in church, so as you may imagine, I’ve heard the “God has a plan for your life” spiel more times than I can count. If I were to be honest with you though, I think 19 years of singleness was exactly God’s plan for me. As I went through high school watching many friends of mine get into relationships (some good, some bad) I spent my time on the sidelines waiting for my time to come. I never really held the belief that a guy would complete me, but I just figured if God gave me this desire He might as well fulfill it! Little did I know, God had much more than happiness and romance in store for me in my teen years.

None of what God had planned, however, could take effect until I let go of my own plan. I struggled with bitterness and jealousy as I waited on God. I thought I was ready. I KNEW I was ready. After all, I had all the facts. “Relationships don’t complete me, God does. Relationships take work. My confidence and purpose is found in Christ, not the opinion of others, etc.” I prayed, “God, I got this! What are you waiting for?” As my heart became hardened throughout this process, God began to convict me. I felt He was saying, “Do you not trust me? Child, I have amazing plans for your life. I want to bless you, and use you to change the world, but I can’t do this without you.”

I’d like to tell you that immediately upon conviction, I changed my course of action and fully surrendered to God. However it took a little growing up and a small taste of “my plan” to show me that I need God, and that HIS plan is PERFECT.  Long story short, I started to fall for a guy that was completely wrong for me. Although we didn’t end up dating, I realized right before jumping the gun that I had no idea what I was doing. After this bumpy patch in my life, I decided it was time to admit I actually don’t know what’s best for me.

Since then, I have surrendered my plan to God’s. I have made it a habit to spend time in God’s Word and in prayer, and I have developed so much more confidence and purpose. God has used me to speak into the lives of other teen girls, and has brought wisdom into my life that I never would have developed if I had followed my own will. I don’t say these things to brag, but rather to boast in what Christ has done through me. God has actually had GREAT plans for my life, and one of them just happens to be 19 years of singleness. I don’t know what my future holds, but I know that if I follow God it will be perfect.

Until next time,

Tamara

Unconditional Love

Our society is rapidly moving towards a cultural divide of those who consider themselves to be “accepting,” and those who refer to themselves as “morally upright.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but I, for one, have grown tired of the petty arguments and persistent accusations on either side. While issues of  homosexuality, abortion, and sexism have made their way into daily conversation, it has become clear to me that those insisting upon shifting the traditional belief system to adopt a new, tolerant perspective are actually making a very important statement that we must not ignore.

As issues of morality often play a role in these arguments, I am not suggesting a sacrifice of what is considered biblically “upright.” Rather, I think it’s time to stop getting so consumed with pointing fingers of what is and isn’t right, and start to look at the real issue of why people are so adamant about “accepting them.”  Are they just pushing a political agenda, or are they seeking to be loved? Furthermore, it’s time to revisit how Jesus would, and DID act in these situations.

I love John 4 (Go check this out if you’re not familiar @ https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+4&version=NIV ) because Jesus so clearly demonstrates how to approach and interact with those whom we are quick to consider to be social “outcasts” or “tactless” in nature. In this recount, Jesus approaches a Samaritan woman who was known for having five different husbands (and now living with another man, unmarried.) Culturally, a casual conversation with her was already crossing the line. He takes it to a whole new level, however, with his response to her questioning of why He is even talking to her. He states, If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water. (John 4:10.) There are two very important things to note in this statement. 1.) He is acknowledging her value. By saying “If only you knew the gift God has for you, He’s noting that God cares deeply about her and has a gift specifically for her. 2.) Jesus is (tastefully) offering her forgiveness.

What I have learned from Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman (which is extremely relevant today) is that the attitude of pointing fingers and criticizing society is ineffective. Furthermore, it’s not Christ-like. Rather, we must choose to love people first. Love them despite moral “red flags,” and remember that Jesus loved you despite your faults. Secondly, getting caught up on the issue of acceptance needs to come to an end. While we should by no means promote things that contradict God’s word, we need to learn to see others on the same level as we see ourselves. We all fall short of the glory when it comes down to it, and Jesus loves each of us the same. In fact, He loved each of us so much that He died for us to have the opportunity of being forgiven. It is my hope that these are things we never lose sight of amidst a seemingly divided culture.

Until next time,

Tamara

The Danger of Settling

If you’re someone who lives in America, you are probably part of the majority that, on occasion, scraps the idea of having a balanced meal and opts for a quick drive-thru dinner. Maybe you’re a student who was assigned to read a book that seems to be just a tad too long, and you decide to look it up on “sparknotes” instead. Or perhaps you are guilty of the shortcut cleaning method, and tend to “clean” by putting your mess in a place that isn’t visible. Although all these habits may be relatively harmless, they all share a common theme: they are shortcuts. Shortcuts are quick, easy, and effective. They usually get the job done, and on the surface they seem perfectly sufficient. However, when we begin to look deeper into the consequences of settling, it becomes clear that our needs are not being completely satisfied, we are not getting what was meant for that experience out of it, or we are not really accomplishing anything. Although a McDouble once in a while won’t kill you, living a lifestyle with the attitude of settling becomes a deterrent to our future. When we choose to opt for less than God has planned for us, we are not only losing moments; but sacrificing His plans.

Something that’s difficult to understand is the fact that God’s plans are, in fact, better than we know. It would be really awesome if we could just get a map with the play-by-play of everything God has planned for us. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Whether you are waiting for the perfect job, the ideal husband/wife, a breakthrough moment, or simply happiness; we all have desires we long to be fulfilled. However, our personal desires are not always what we need. I can remember hearing this statement in church time after time, and just getting irritated. I would often think, “If God wants me to happy, then why can’t I just be happy?” As I have grown older, I have found that often times, the things I thought would satisfy me in my moments of emptiness were not necessarily the right things. Sure, they would probably make me happy—but they weren’t what I really needed. As frustrating as it can be to wait on our greatest desires, we must remember that God promises to satisfy our needs, and He knows what is best for us.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

So, maybe you know this already. What about our desires though? Does God care about that? And are we just supposed to wait for this to all play out? Something I’m still learning is to trust that God knows my heart; He has given me desires, and He is working. In the meantime, I am not meant to be left with a sense of emptiness or distress. Rather, as I surrender my trust to Him, He brings fullness to my life. As stated in Psalm 16:11, “You (God) make(s) known to me the path of life; in your (His) presence there is fullness of joy; at your (His)right hand are pleasures forevermore. So what often appears as God leaving us hanging, is really just a challenge to us to trust Him.

If you feel like you are in a place where settling seems like the best/only option, I encourage you to try and loosen the reins of your control. Although there are so many times it would be easier to just take a “shortcut” or alternate route, trusting God to take us through these times is a choice of great reward.

Until next time,

-Tamara

Purity

RE: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity, and I Wish I Hadn’t by Samantha Pugsley

 

I recently came across an article entitled, “I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity, and I Wish I Hadn’t.” [You can read this post @ I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity, and I Wish I Hadn't.] As someone who has made the same commitment of purity, I was initially taken back by the bold claim, and decided to further my understanding of the author’s position. As I read through her testimonial, I’ll be honest I felt sorry for her. In the post, she tells of how her church strongly encouraged her to make this decision at a very young age, and how this decision slowly became her sole identity. As she states in the article, “For more than a decade, I wore my virginity like a badge of honor. My church encouraged me to do so, saying my testimony would inspire other young girls to follow suit. If the topic ever came up in conversation, I was happy to let people know that I had taken a pledge of purity.” However, her initial eagerness to remain pure faded into a learned disgust towards sexuality. As taught, the author believed sex to be sinful and wrong. This didn’t pose a problem until marriage—when her supposed purity would be taken away. As she states, “Everyone told me it would be uncomfortable the first time. What they didn’t tell me is that I would be back in the bathroom afterward, crying quietly for reasons I didn’t yet comprehend. They didn’t tell me that I’d be on my honeymoon, crying again, because sex felt dirty and wrong and sinful even though I was married and it was supposed to be okay now.”

Sad story, but what is so compelling about it? Unless you share the beliefs of Christian faith, the initial response to this piece is probably a mixture of pity towards the author, and annoyance with those who pressured and supported her decision to remain pure. However, between the lines there is a clear and persistent issue with the understanding of what purity really is, who it’s for, and why it exists in the first place. In the author’s case, she makes a commitment of purity because she’s encouraged to, and it’s the “right thing to do.” Nevertheless, she faces emotional turmoil as a direct result. Essentially, this points to a simple truth: A false understanding of purity coupled with wrong motives led the author to a painful struggle, and ultimately, complete loss of her faith in Christ.

…All of which brings me to the “So what?” factor. As you may be wondering, there is, in fact, a reason to me rehashing all of this information. As stated earlier in this post, I too, have committed to remain pure. However, unraveling the unfortunate story of the woman who wrote the article inspired me to return to the basics of why I chose a lifestyle of purity, and why I still choose purity to this day.

Purity is….

A deliberate decision to do one’s best in maintaining a lifestyle that is uplifting, free of sin, and glorifying to God.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5

Purity is for….

Everyone; married, single, male, or female. Purity isn’t just about not having sex before marriage; as stated above, it is a lifestyle decision.

³ For this is the will of God, your sanctification^[a] that you abstain from sexual immorality; ⁴ that each one of you know how to control his own body^[b] in holiness and honor. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4

Purity exists because…

God created it for our protection. Although humanity and religion have transformed the definition of purity into a set of rules, rather, it acts as our shield. Purity keeps us from emotional and spiritual baggage that can be attached to poor decisions.

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. Galatians 5:1 (MSG)

[For more on purity check out my post: Why I Choose Purity ]

It’s unfortunate that the author of the post described faced such difficult struggles emotionally after marriage, but what I found most disheartening was the sole fact that she was not exposed to the beauty that purity entails. My hope is that in reading this, you find true understanding of purity, and find that it is, in fact, a choice worth making.

Until next time,

Tamara

A Message to the Broken

Have you ever felt like you've messed up to the point where there is no way, no hope, and no purpose for you to ever be forgiven? Or perhaps you've fell into a rut of feeling worthless; as though healing and forgiveness should not be wasted on you. In a world where smiles and how are you’s have become something robotic and deceptive, it is the unfortunate truth that many of us are secretly left feeling broken and bruised, and unworthy of healing.

The Truth: You are [worth being] forgiven.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

This truth still seems to blow my mind. So often, I mess up and wonder why God would ever want to forgive me. Although I may never understand why, He was willing to sacrifice His son’s life so that I would not have to bear the burden. Likewise, God sacrificed for you too. In fact, He would have made the sacrifice for you, and you alone. Whether we see it or not, God values us so much that even when we make terrible mistakes, He still sees unmatchable, profound worth in us (Psalm 139:13-15, Jeremiah 29:11.)

The Truth: You are [worth being] healed.

I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you. Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. Isaiah 41:10 MSG

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Just as God is eager to forgive us, He is also willing to heal us. Although He could easily leave us alone to try and pick up the broken pieces, as stated in the verses above, He walks with us though our difficult time. Even though we may have messed up, God desires to strengthen us through this process and take away our burdens.  

The Truth: You are [worth being] made new.

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

When we choose to come to God in our vulnerable state of brokenness, He doesn’t focus on the things we could have done differently. Rather, He wipes away our imperfections and begins a transformation. Therefore, we are not defined by what we once were. Instead, we may choose to be defined by who God is transforming us to be.

Until next time,

-Tamara

Finding Joy

Maybe you’re an optimist, and tend to enjoy life. Or maybe you’re like me, a natural pessimist; less apt to “see the bright side.” When it comes down to it, however, we have all faced a time in our lives where the glass truly looked half empty. Sometimes it seems as though joy is simply out of reach, and no matter how hard we try, the pain just won’t go away. However, what we often don’t realize is that we may, in fact, be our own worst enemy.

The truth: Joy will not be found if you do not seek it.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. James 1:2

As strange as it sounds, sometimes we avoid joy and opt for self-pity. When going through a difficult time, it’s so easy to question, react, and review all that has gone wrong. However, in doing this we miss the opportunity to reclaim what has been taken from us in the first place. Our joy. Trials put us in a weak, vulnerable state. Likewise, they can easily overtake us. However, when we choose to seek joy during our trials, and lean on God in our weakness, He will sustain us.

The truth: Holding on to anger and previous pain will hinder you from receiving joy.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

Sometimes, we hold on to anger and hurt for so long that we are placed in a rut. In fact, we may even try to compartmentalize our anger—making claims such as, “I’ll allow joy in this area of my life…but not that one. I’m still mad about that.” However, anger and pain have a tendency to spill over into every aspect of our lives, thus hindering us from experiencing true joy. Therefore, it is vital that we surrender, forgive, and let go of the past so we are able to see clearly the new, joyous things God has to offer.

The truth: The things you value will determine your fruit.

You don’t get wormy apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples off a diseased tree. The health of the apple tells the health of the tree. You must begin with your own life-giving lives. It’s who you are, not what you say and do, that counts. Your true being brims over into true words and deeds. Luke 6:43-45

It’s also essential that we fill our lives with things and people that build us up. As a natural pessimist, I will admit how easy it is for me to fall out of joy anytime I am exposed to negativity. However, when I place my time and value in relationships and activities that build me up, I am easily encouraged and filled with joy.

Therefore, choose to surrender the anger, the pain, and the strife. Choose to rejoice amidst the trial. Choose to surround yourself with things that build you up. Choose joy.

Until next time,

-Tamara