Yes, you read that correctly. For the past 19 (almost 20)
years of my life, I have been single. There have been phases of my life where I’ve
been embarrassed, unhappy, or confused by this. I grew up in church, so as you
may imagine, I’ve heard the “God has a plan for your life” spiel more times than I can count. If I were to be honest with you though, I think 19 years of singleness
was exactly God’s plan for me. As I went through high school watching many
friends of mine get into relationships (some good, some bad) I spent my time on
the sidelines waiting for my time to come. I never really held the belief that
a guy would complete me, but I just figured if God gave me this desire He might
as well fulfill it! Little did I know, God had much more than happiness and
romance in store for me in my teen years.
None of what God had planned, however, could take effect
until I let go of my own plan. I struggled with bitterness and jealousy as I
waited on God. I thought I was ready. I KNEW I was ready. After all, I had all
the facts. “Relationships don’t complete me, God does. Relationships take work.
My confidence and purpose is found in Christ, not the opinion of others, etc.”
I prayed, “God, I got this! What are you waiting for?” As my heart became
hardened throughout this process, God began to convict me. I felt He was saying,
“Do you not trust me? Child, I have amazing plans for your life. I want to
bless you, and use you to change the world, but I can’t do this without you.”
I’d like to tell you that immediately upon conviction, I
changed my course of action and fully surrendered to God. However it took a
little growing up and a small taste of “my plan” to show me that I need God,
and that HIS plan is PERFECT. Long story
short, I started to fall for a guy that was completely wrong for me. Although
we didn’t end up dating, I realized right before jumping the gun that I had no
idea what I was doing. After this bumpy patch in my life, I decided it was time
to admit I actually don’t know what’s best for me.
Since then, I have surrendered my plan to God’s. I have made
it a habit to spend time in God’s Word and in prayer, and I have developed so
much more confidence and purpose. God has used me to speak into the lives of
other teen girls, and has brought wisdom into my life that I never would have developed
if I had followed my own will. I don’t say these things to brag, but rather to
boast in what Christ has done through me. God has actually had GREAT plans for
my life, and one of them just happens to be 19 years of singleness. I don’t
know what my future holds, but I know that if I follow God it will be perfect.
Until next time,
Tamara
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