|2018|

It is peculiar to look back on my life at the beginning of 2018 and note how much has changed. I’ve never been much for New Year resolutions or extensive reflection on the year. I tend to hold the belief that a fresh start can happen anytime, and the date on a calendar doesn’t really make a big difference in the grand scheme of life. However, this year I have found myself to be surprisingly grateful for the timestamp that will mark the end of this season. It is as if God has indicated to me that the difficult season I have been in is coming to a halt. Certainly, challenges may very well be present in the coming season. However, there is a hope and burst of energy He has placed inside of me for 2019 that wasn’t there before. I am expectant and excited for what is in store. I am ready for what may come, good or bad. I am mentally in a place that I’ve never really been in before…one of which I just know that God will take care of me, teach me, and protect me regardless of what happens.

As most readers probably know, 2018 was a year of many life changes for me. I quit my job, packed up my life in two suitcases, and committed to living in Haiti for a year. This decision was initially really exciting and adventurous, but quickly brought on many challenges that I never really expected. I faced loneliness greater than I had ever experienced, encountered daily struggles of living in a different culture, and found myself in the middle of conflicts I never would have chosen to be involved in. In many circumstances, I felt myself feeling completely stripped of my comforts and crutches. In the peak of frustration, stress, and adjustment, my weaknesses became clearer to me than ever before.

I don’t share any of these emotions with the intent of blaming someone or being pitied. Honestly, I believe deep within my spirit that this “emotional stripping,” if you will, was exactly what God had planned for me in 2018. As much as it stinks to be in a season of brokenness, there is something special about it that breeds a higher level of trust and growth. Being in a state of vulnerability facilitates dependence on a Savior.

As the end of 2018 is approaching, I am grateful for what God has revealed to me this year. I have learned the lesson of what it is like to function without full surrender and total abandon to a Savior. I am humbled to have endured some great challenges that have taught me dependence. I am joyful for the growth and trust that has been established as a result of seeking God on a level I had never reached before.

Lastly, I am super excited for what God has planned in 2019. As I continue to shift the reins of control over to God, I can only imagine the blessings and powerful things He will do.

For those in a season of brokenness or “emotional stripping,” I encourage you to take this New Year as an indicator of God giving you a fresh start. Instead of looking on the past year with sadness or bitterness, declare triumph in the lessons learned. Thank God for His goodness in spite of struggle. Be reminded of our need for a Savior, and trust that His plans are GOOD. It is my prayer that you are blessed in the year of 2019, and that hope is restored within your spirit!

Until next time,

Tamara

Freedom and (In)Dependence

Can I help you with that?

No thank you, I can do it myself!

My whole life, I’ve always been a do-it-yourself kind of girl. I never liked group projects, I always problem-solved and learned how to fix things on my own, and I would sooner climb on top of a shelf than ask a tall man at the grocery store to reach that box of cereal that was far out of my 4 ft 11in reach.

Independence is a pretty glorified thing in Western culture. If I’m being completely honest, it’s something I have taken pride in. I have always liked the freedom of doing things on my own. Moreover, relying on other people and asking for help is something that has always made me cringe. Needing other people to help navigate life is scary.

As most readers probably know, I moved to Haiti about four months ago. I packed up two suitcases and went on my way. On the surface, this 11 month journey of moving to a foreign country “on my own” may have seemed like a pretty valiant and brave venture. However, it has actually been an incredibly humbling and difficult lesson for me to learn on the value of DEPENDENCE.

Basic things like going to the grocery store, fixing a generator (which sources power in my apartment), and even ordering a meal in another language are only a few things on the long list of times in which I have needed to ask for help since arriving in Haiti. I joke with my friends and family that every day something new goes wrong and I have to ask for help.

While I certainly wouldn’t say I have completely overcome my pride and “do-it-yourself” mentality, I have learned that there is great value in community. Being stripped away from the crutch of self-service culture and convenience has given me a new perspective.

Some of the greatest relationships I have built here in Haiti are a direct result of living in community. From basic apartment maintenance, to shopping trips, to friends flocking over when I saw a “dife” (fire!) on top of my generator, I am continuously going through a process of learning to ask for help. Likewise, I am learning to trust others.

God has used these day-to-day challenges to teach me not only that I need others, but I need Him. I am certain that I could not have possibly maintained emotional and spiritual sanity in isolation. As I have had to seek the help of others and the direction and wisdom of God during this season of “newness” and transition, I have grown to realize my need for a Savior. God has given me peace and challenged me to trust Him when the world around me has seemed daunting and difficult.

If you find yourself in a state of being overly independent, I encourage you to be reminded of the value in dependence today. Although you may not be in a season of “needing others,” I challenge you to cherish the community that you’re in. If there is someone that is more qualified to do something for you and is offering to help, let them. If you have an opportunity to work alongside someone rather than just “doing it yourself,” take the time to do so. God created us to live in community with Him and others.

Let us never become so prideful of independence that we neglect the value of community and the value of dependence on our Creator. We are better together.

Until next time,

Tamara

Patient Endurance

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. Hebrews 10:36

While sitting in my bedroom after 48 hours of feeling extremely sick with what I believe to be food poisoning, I opened my Bible app and immediately stumbled upon the topic of “patient endurance.” Typically, I strangely enjoy challenges in the Bible about “rejoicing in suffering” and standing firm against all odds. Perhaps it’s my background in positive psychology and belief in the power of the mind, or perhaps I tend to unknowingly remove myself from the idea of suffering. Regardless, patient endurance wasn’t exactly the charge I was looking for amidst the miserable stomach pain. Yet, I believe this passage of scripture was exactly the reminder God wanted to give me at this time.

Patience is defined as the “ability to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.” Not to mention, patience is also a fruit of the Spirit. Endurance is defined as “the ability to endure an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.” Patience and endurance go hand in hand. As one is patient, they will then possess greater endurance to continue on the path set before them.

Laying on my bed trying not to vomit, patient endurance seemed like a ridiculous thing for God to be presenting to me. I was feeling annoyed and frustrated about my condition and being far from home, and was honestly ready to just have a little pity party. As I read this charge about “patient endurance,” however, I was reminded of someone who patiently endured far more than I ever could. There was someone who endured the most brutal death one could ever imagine, and did so with grace and endurance. There was someone who was spat on as His nail-pierced hands held Him up on a cross that yelled, “Father, forgive them.” Let’s talk about patient endurance!

All this is to say, in my physical weakness and frustration, God is calling me to something greater. The story of Jesus’ patient endurance ends with a beautiful resurrection that brought redemption for every sinner (aka you and I). Likewise, choosing to be patient and endure the unpleasant will help me to fulfill God’s will for my life. While I may not see beyond the “sickness,” God is working and planning to fulfill His promise.

First, I must be patient.

Until next time,

Tamara

Jodia

Today/JODIA, I am reminded of why I came to Haiti in the first place. While there is nothing extraordinary or remarkable about today, the time I have spent in personal reflection and prayer has led me come to a newfound understanding of why I am where I am, and why it’s okay that many of my expectations and plans are not being fulfilled at this time.

I have been in Haiti for a little over two months now, and if I’m being totally honest, it hasn’t been exactly what I expected. I don’t say this to bash anyone I am working alongside or anyone who helped me set expectations for this assignment, nor am I arguing that one should not prepare and plan for future endeavors. Rather, I am sharing this because I believe what I am learning is a valuable principle that can be applied to any situation in which one’s personal expectations or goals are not being fulfilled.

The word that led me to say “yes” to coming to Haiti for 11 months was “jodia,” or “seize the day,” in Haitian Creole. This word was something God spoke to me in a time of prayer prior to even knowing what it meant. As I am realizing now, this word wasn’t just to push me to make that initial decision of coming to Haiti, but was also to remind me while on the field that I am to seize the day. I am to seize every moment as an opportunity.

Practically speaking, my role in Haiti right now is primarily learning-based and less ministry-focused than I anticipated. However, this reality has caused me to really evaluate how I value time, and what my intentions are with each action I take. Am I seizing every moment as an opportunity? Am I taking every thought captive? Am I viewing every smile, glance, or interaction as a possibility for God to do something?

I am in Haiti because God called me to seize the day and accept this awesome opportunity to learn. While I may not be living the life I expected here and my goals may not be getting accomplished at this time, I am learning about things that never even crossed my mind before.

Overall, my time so far has taught me that I must never think my plans are more grandiose than God’s plans. I must never belittle the value in the mundane. I must never put God into a box of my own understanding, refusing to do or be in any circumstance that is outside of my own will.

The incredible truth behind all of this is that God DOES have purpose deeper than my own understanding, and there is immense value in seizing every passing moment as an opportunity.

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

If you are in a situation in which you are struggling with your expectations versus reality, I challenge you to view this season as an opportunity. Listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you, and trust that there is something good in it. As we begin to trust God’s plan and take every moment captive, God is able to work in us and those around us in ways far greater than we could ever imagine.

Until next time,

Tamara

Abide

Abide: to bear patiently; to endure without yielding; to remain stable or in a fixed state

If there’s one thing I despise doing, it’s sitting around waiting for something to happen. This is especially hard when the thing I am waiting for is uncertain or unclear. So often, I am tempted to take action in order to bypass the “waiting” time and reach a quick result.

What I have learned to be true in these times of waiting is this:

I can’t bake a delicious cake in a microwave, I can’t become an expert from reading “Sparknotes,” I can’t run a 10k without extensive training, and whether I like it or not, I cannot fulfill the Lord’s call on my life without a season of waiting.

Perhaps not everyone is called to wait for the same amount of time, but I do believe that the Bible makes it clear that a plentiful harvest requires a time of planting, building, and, WAITING. As Jesus states in John 15:4, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

This passage has been challenging me deeply. While God has given me some vision and direction about what I am called to do during this season, I have surprisingly found myself in several instances where I don’t know what God is specifically speaking or what I should be doing. From this passage, I am reminded that to reach the next step, I need to abide in the Lord. I need to remain in His presence and patiently pursue His will, even when things don’t seem to make sense.

If you find yourself in a similar season, I encourage you to remind yourself of the value in waiting. A cake certainly tastes a lot better when it is cooked the perfect amount of time in the oven, a 10k is definitely a lot easier to run if it is preceded by extensive training, and the release of God’s purpose and will for your life is undoubtedly much sweeter when you choose to remain in His presence and allow time to grow.

I challenge you, as I am challenging myself, to ALLOW time to wait. If it seems like God is holding out on you, continue to pursue Him. Don’t lose heart and derail the process for a quick result. In due time, God will produce a harvest that is far better than you or I could ever achieve in our own time or strength.

Until next time,

Tamara

Am I Speaking Christianese?

For as long as I can remember, I have lived in a sort of bubble in which those around me speak in something that is jokingly referred to as “Christianese.” Christianese is a made-up term for a made-up language that predominately consists of code words and phrases that make ordinary sayings sound more spiritual or cryptic. For example, a native Christianese speaker may say, “We were pouring into those kids. On the mission trip, we really loved on them. Many people got saved and became believers."

Overtime, I’ve become somewhat immune to even noticing when I, or other Christians, are using this cryptic jargon. I say all this not to condemn or mock Christianity, but to really take a closer look to examine what is being said in these instances. What is the motive behind using “Christianese” phrases? Are we actually representing the claims we are making in Spirit and in truth? Does the Christian phrase still hold the same meaning it first had when it was created?

There are dozens of phrases I could dissect and discuss, but for now I will focus on the term “believer.” According to Merriam-Webster’s definition, a believer is “someone that is sure that a god exists or that their religion is true.” Notably, the Etymology Online Dictionary states that the word believer originated in the 1540’s with the definition “one who has faith in religion,” which later changed to “one who gives credence (to anything) without personal knowledge, one firmly persuaded of the truth of something.” The Bible also frequently refers to Christ’s followers or people of faith as “those who believed.”  

Historically speaking, the phrase “believer” holds a significant weight. In the book of Acts, the people who heard the Gospel and submitted their own knowledge and understanding to a belief in the authenticity of God would later be referred to as believers. In present day, a believer is understood as someone that has great confidence and assurance in something or someone.

All of this background information and study of one simple word really challenges me to identify whether or not I, as a follower of Christ, am truly representing the significance and weight that is held within the word “believer.” Am I really trusting God with everything? Am I truly submitting my personal knowledge and understanding to a belief that there is One who is greater and can do all things? Have I, overtime, forgotten the power in believing?

Moving forward, it is my desire that I always use “Christianese” with caution. If I claim something, I need to mean it. As someone who identifies as a “believer,” it is my goal to start acting on this claim by exhibiting complete faith and assurance that God is the CREATOR of all things and can DO all things.

Likewise, I challenge those of you who fall into the category of “Christianese-speakers” to do a similar self-assessment. What is your motive behind using certain words or phrases? Furthermore, are you truly representing the claims that are held within these phrases? If not, I challenge you to recalibrate and find Biblical truth that refreshes your mind to God's purpose and how it relates to your life today.

Until next time,

Tamara

A Call to Obedience

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from their Spirit will reap eternal life. Galatians 6:8

Have you ever taken action on something that you felt called to do, then found yourself wondering what you got yourself into? If I’m being completely honest, there have already been dozens of times in the mere three weeks I have been in Haiti that I have questioned why I am even here. I don’t say this as a cry for help, nor do I truly believe that there is no purpose in me being in Haiti. Rather, I just want to be authentic and vulnerable in the sense that doubt, fear, and confusion are tangible feelings that I have experienced in my time here thus far.

That being said, in these moments of insecurity God has begun to teach me a very important lesson about obedience. Regardless of whether He asks me to do something as simple as buying a meal for a stranger, or something as wild as packing up and moving to another country for a year, the most important thing is obedience. When we choose to be obedient to God and allow His plans to supersede our own, the result is always going to be better.

As I have been meditating on this concept of complete surrender and submission to the Holy Spirit, I am already blown away by what God has been doing and revealing. I have watched Him begin to restore seemingly irreparable relationships, I have experienced His peace and presence in an intense and powerful way, and I have observed Him bring clarity and confidence amidst confusion.

While I may have come to Haiti with “many plans in my heart,” I am learning that these plans can’t even begin to compare to what God is planning to do. I am excited to see all that will unfold as I act in obedience, and I encourage you to examine what God is calling you to in your own life. Are you willing to boldly step outside your personal plans and comfort zone in order to follow what God is calling you to do?

It is my prayer that those who are in a place of confusion and doubt would seek the Holy Spirit to guide them, and would in turn reap eternal reward!

Until next time,

Tamara

The Heartbeat of Haiti

11 days ago, I began my 11-month journey in Haiti. While I am only beginning to scratch the surface of understanding the culture, language, and heartbeat of this nation, I am already seeing God’s presence and vision for this country. I have seen a spark igniting within the Church. God is calling this country to ACTION.

Upon entering the Port au Prince airport, a man said something to me that struck me in a deep way. For those who are unaware, the time I entered Haiti was the weekend after protests and political unrest were just beginning to settle. The man looked at me, asked me about what I would be doing here in Haiti, and said, “Wow. You decided to come right now. Haiti is on fire.” While the man made this statement in quite a literal way, I can’t help but believe that this remark, whether he intended it or not, was indicative of something greater happening within the country.

Two days after arriving, I attended a local church that gave me a closer glimpse and greater understanding of why this airport exchange wasn’t just meaningless small talk. The message spoken was a very direct, powerful, call to action. The pastor encouraged the Church, or the followers of Christ, to take this time of dissension and fear as an opportunity to STAND UP. He declared that it is our responsibility not just to pray, but to act and carry out the call God has put on our lives.

Upon traveling to another community, meeting with some Haitian friends, and visiting another local church, this mindset of taking action and carrying out God’s call was reiterated. I observed God preparing the hearts of young adults to take their stories of what God has done in their lives to unreached places. I listened to another local pastor’s vision to disciple believers and shift the mindset of religion to a personal, relational model. I participated in prayer sessions in which vision and excitement for God’s plan in this nation was advanced.

While this is only the beginning, I can already see that God is moving in Haiti. While the man at the airport may have literally meant the country was on fire, I believe that this “fire” is indicative of the rapid release of light—God’s light---that is releasing in Haiti. As this flame is igniting among the Haitian people, I can’t wait to see how the local Church will arise to spread the Gospel.

Let us pray for this sense of urgency to continue to fan into flame, challenging the Church in Haiti to mobilize the Gospel and take the Holy Spirit to places it hasn’t gone before.

Until next time,

Tamara

The Beauty of Haiti

Many have read or heard of the events that have taken place in Haiti over the past few days. While it’s easy to watch a short news clip and make assumptions that A + B led to C, or to make a generalization that the actions of a few are representative of the population, I would encourage us to take a deeper look and try to better understand the cultural context and heart of Haiti.

While I am not a Haitian national and certainly don’t consider myself an expert on Haitian culture, I would like to highlight some of the beauty I have witnessed in this country as a reminder that God is working and present in this people group.

These are just a few of the many moments that I found very striking and beautiful within Haitian culture:  

1.) Upon receiving a pack of gum as a gift, a little boy around 8 years old opened the pack up and proceeded to pass it around and make sure each one of his friends got a piece. Within a minute, the pack was entirely empty. I remember watching this and thinking how many times I have had a pack of gum and tried to be stealthy about getting a piece when it was almost empty because I wanted to save the last piece for myself. Sad, but true! This little boy reminded me that we are to value our neighbor as much as we value ourselves.

2.) When talking with a young Haitian man about how I was struggling to figure out what I was going to do with my life and worrying about how everything would work out, he reminded me that God is faithful. Although this young man was uncertain about how he would pay for his own schooling or find work, he had peace and hope deeper than my own. He trusted God fully with the future (regardless of circumstance) and encouraged me to do the same.

3.) While visiting a pediatric hospital, a young mom who had never met me before looked at me and allowed me to hold her newborn baby. While I was a complete stranger to her, we exchanged a few words and she passed her baby to me. I found her trust and kindness to be very admirable, particularly in that she would allow me to hold something so precious to her even though she didn’t really know me.

While I could go on and share many more stories, I believe these small moments speak volumes about the people of Haiti. Although there were some violent actions and negative moments that were spotlighted this week in Haiti, I would encourage those of us whom are from a very different background and living in a different context to remember that this is not representative of Haiti. Rather, Haiti is largely a country of beautiful, inspiring people that have resilience and kindness in the face of much adversity.

As we move forward and news about Haiti settles, let us remember to pray for this country. God is working in the lives of Haitians and hope is rising. Let it be our prayer that He continues to do good work, and that restoration is found through Jesus Christ.

Until next time,

Tamara

A Letter to the Brokenhearted

Grief is something personal and unique. Some feel it very deeply, while others feel nothing at all and wait tirelessly for some sort of emotion to surface. While no experience is quite the same and everyone processes loss differently, we all go through varying levels of grief throughout a lifetime.

Currently, I am in season in which many people close to me are suffering great loss. Whether you find yourself in a place of brokenness right now or not, I would like to share a word of encouragement about the promises of God in the wake of tragedy.

1. God is ever-present. You are not alone.

In our darkest moments, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing the lie that we are alone. While people may express sympathies and even provide words of encouragement, there are still many moments that can feel empty and silent. While it’s easy to slip into isolation during these times, Scripture offers a promise that is far better than handling grief alone. As Jesus states in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” God does not ignore or abandon His people. While we are not exempt from tragedy, God promises to bring peace to us when we seek Him.

2. God is steady. You can lean on Him.

Life is fragile, and the world is constantly changing. Some days are harder than others, and in times of loss we may long for the simple comfort of routine and constancy. It is written in Isaiah 40:28, “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.” While it may feel as though we are drowning in the pain and heartache of this world, God is the unchanging Father that we can lean on when everything else feels like it’s withering away.

3. Being weak is okay because God can be your strength.

“Stay strong” can be one of the most frustrating phrases for a grieving person. While some would suggest that grief is supposed to provoke a sense of self-reliance and internal strength, I would argue the opposite. Rather, grief pushes us to a place of brokenness in which our own strength is not sufficient. In 2 Corinthians 12:8, Paul receives a word from the Lord that states, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” While feeling weak is definitely not pleasurable, there is an underlying promise in our weakness that is beautiful. As evidenced in this text, God takes our greatest pain and promises to replace it with His strength.

4. There is redemption. Your sorrow is not wasted.

Grief and loss are struggles nobody wants to face. Nonetheless, God promises to redeem and give purpose to our pain. In Romans 5:3-5, it states “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” While the process of grief is hard, God uses it to develop who we are. It becomes a part of our story. When we suffer deeply and choose to surrender our pain to Him, He promises to make our pain into something beautiful.

Although life may seem unmanageable and God may seem far away, take hold to the truth that you are not alone. God is with you. He sees you. He can be the solid rock on which you lean. He can be the strength when you feel weak. He can turn your sorrow and mourning into something beautiful. It is my prayer that those of you who are currently feeling overcome with grief will believe these truths and sense God’s presence in your life more now than ever before.

Until next time,

Tamara

Selah

Pause. Pause to examine what God is doing right now. Pause to listen. Pause to reflect. Pause because God is good right now, even if nothing seems to make sense. Selah.

Selah is a Hebrew word used throughout the Bible, particularly in Psalms. Typically, the word appears after a new thought or idea is presented, indicating a transition to the next thing. Biblical scholars have debated for many years on the exact meaning of the word Selah. While some believe it is simply a musical transition word, others believe it means to “pause,” “reflect,” or “praise.” Although I’m not a biblical scholar by any measure, I tend to think Selah could very well be both a musical transition word and an instruction to pause, reflect, and praise God.

It is clear that while we may not fully understand the meaning of Selah today, it was something important to the writers of the Bible. Hence, it was included over seventy times throughout the book of Psalms.

The more I look into the expressions of David and other Psalmists during these excerpts containing “Selah,” the more I am convinced that this transition, pause, and reflection was something essential. For example, in Psalm 46, the sons of Korah begin the Psalm by crying out that God is our strength despite the immense trouble in the world. Thereafter, “Selah” is written. Then, they go on to say that God is among us and will release His power when morning dawns. “Selah.” Finally, the Psalm goes on to say that God brings desolations on the earth, but He has the power to restore everything. He will be our fortress in all the hard times. “Selah.”

This Psalm, from my interpretation, reveals a moment in which the writers were reflecting and pausing to honor and remember God’s power. To me, it’s almost as if they were proclaiming those words and repeating them again and again until they fully believed in their meaning. In this passage I picture their hearts declaring, “So be it. Yes, these words are true. Yes, God is good. Yes, He is powerful,” each time Selah is written.  

While I can’t know for sure how accurate my interpretation is on the word “Selah,” I know that this practice of pausing, reflecting, and praising God in the transitions of life is a healthy and Biblical thing to do. As I am in a phase of life in which there are many ups and downs and a whole lot of waiting and wondering, I am challenged by the Psalmists to add “Selah” into each day. To transition effectively from one thing to the next, I must reflect and remember God’s goodness. I must not waiver from my trust in Him. While I may be tempted to move on to whatever the next phase is in life, I cannot forget to pause and note God’s presence and strength in my life that holds true RIGHT NOW. Therefore, I am committing my life to honor God’s goodness by pausing, remembering, reflecting on, and repeating His true Word daily.

Until next time,

Tamara