What It's Worth

There’s nothing quite like a global pandemic to strike up an existential crisis. Where fear runs rampant and uncertainty seems to have no expiration date, it can be really difficult to remain fixated on what once was clear and true.

Along with the majority of social media users, I have experienced an endless influx of news and information regarding the COVID-19 outbreak that has crippled the globe. As I have been left to pray, think, and cope with day-to-day functioning in light of what is happening, I can’t help but think about my faith. What makes following Jesus worth it? Why has He allowed all this suffering to happen? How should my experience be different from someone who does not consider Jesus as their Savior?

These kinds of questions are uncomfortable. In the security of normal day-to-day life, I don’t necessarily have to think about these things. I can brush off my misunderstanding. I can, in a sense, balance my “Christian life” and my mundane, everyday activity. But that’s really missing the point—and it’s not what was intended for me all along.

So, what is it worth to follow Jesus? Why do I know, without a doubt, that He is for me and not against me in these moments of suffering? What has drawn me to follow Jesus, and keeps me from living a life for anything else?

The answer to these questions is simple, yet my human mind so desperately desires to complicate it.

It is worth it to follow Jesus simply because it is what I was created to do.

Not satisfied? I wasn’t either initially. That is, not until I pondered the vastness of all that this statement truly means, and how it has played out in my life.

Similar to how a child innately desires to be with their parent, we are uniquely fashioned in the Image of God. We are designed to bring Him glory. His love is unending for us, and He unconditionally pursues us. He sent His very own Son to earth, to die a brutal death on a cross, so that we could have the opportunity to spend eternity with Him.

So what does that mean for me? Initially, I thought about writing about all of the “fringe benefits” that often coincide with following Jesus. While I could go on and on about all the times Jesus has brought me peace, joy, and strength amidst the worst of circumstances, there is a greater purpose to following Him. I have purpose and security simply because by choosing to follow Him, He is always with me.

It is worth it to follow Jesus because it is what I was made to do; and by choosing to follow Him, He remains with me!

As I look ahead to these weeks, or even months of struggle to come, I am able to hold tight to the truth that I am not alone. The very One who created me into existence is walking beside me, reminding me of my purpose, giving me hope, and bringing me strength. It is my one desire that amidst all of this, I am able to bring Him honor and glory.

If you are feeling discouraged, remember that your suffering is not final. You are not alone. Jesus is waiting to fill you, sustain you, and show Himself faithful in your life. Will you invite Him to do so?

In this world you may have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Until next time,

Tamara

Is There More?

When it comes to viewing life, I tend to visualize a linear progression marked with milestones and a clear “finish line.” Cultural expectations and social comparison are significant contributors to this mindset. Whether referring to the past, present, or future, there is a clear “model,” or expectation of what is supposed to happen.

For me, the weight of what I would do and who I would become fell heavy on me beginning early in my teen years. At 14, I spent many sleepless nights worrying about how I would perform in school, hoping that it would be good enough to get a scholarship for college. When I was 18, I was paralyzed by the unknown. I was so frustrated with myself for not knowing what my occupation would be, or how I would get to that point. At 22, I graduated and was, again, completely struck with anxiety regarding my future. How would I find a job in my field? When would I pay off student loans? Would I meet someone to be my husband? Would I move out? At 23, I found myself fearful and frustrated after an abrupt ending to living in Haiti. I felt I was thrown back into my past, with no traction or clear path ahead.

As I look back, there are a few alarming things I notice about my thought pattern. 1.) Everything was about “me.” Yikes. As harsh of a reality it is to face, it’s evidently clear that so much of my anxiety has stemmed from what I can “get” out of life. Whether that be the best job, the perfect husband, financial stability, or independence, I have spent far too much time worrying about satisfying my desires.  

2.) Allowing my anxious thoughts to take the driver’s seat has often stifled the possibility for anything “unplanned” to happen. Although determination and conscientiousness are not inherently bad qualities, they have blinded me from out of the ordinary experiences. Furthermore, they may have completely inhibited me from engaging in what is right in front of me.

Through these observations, I am challenged to think deeper about my motivations. Is there more to life than what I can see? Have I missed opportunities because I am so focused on my “plan?” Am I so focused on myself, that I have forgotten the Author and Savior of my life?

I’m thankful for a God that is patient—because it seems I have been learning the same lesson over and over again. God has gracefully revealed to me that life is not always linear. As much as I would like to seamlessly hit each milestone I have been trained to expect, it doesn’t always work that way. God has shown me that some of the most pivotal moments are the ones that are a bit “off course.”

Furthermore, I’m not the best “driver.” No matter how many times I have ripped the steering wheel from God’s gentle grasp to take the route I see fit, God always patiently waits for me to return my trust to Him.

As I am on the precipice of becoming ¼ a century old (yikes), I want to make a declaration of Who is the “driver” of my life. Today, I choose to trust God with whatever He has planned. I choose to release my expectations and hardwired tendency to take control. I choose to surrender and live my life for God first, and all else second. I trust that what He has planned is good, and will far surpass my deepest hopes and dreams.

If you find yourself in a similar place of gripping tightly to expectations and control, I challenge you to join me in this “release.” Instead, trust in the One who will do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to His power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20).

Until next time,

Tamara

The Shelf-Life of a God-Sized Dream

My family lovingly refers to my mother as the “expiration police,” as she often goes through cupboards to ensure that nothing has expired. If an item is close to the due date, my mom is sure to incorporate the item to be used in some sort of dish before it reaches the “expiration.”

As I was reflecting on the dreams and hopes God has given to me, I couldn’t help but realize that I have, in a sense, viewed seasons of “waiting” with an expiration. I believe God has really grown my faith and taught me to trust in Him, but it would be dishonest for me to say I haven’t placed stipulations and “due dates” on my trust. The imagery of my hopes and dreams being placed “on the shelf” in this season has caused me to ask myself, “How long should I really wait to tap into these dreams?” “What would happen if I were to pursue the promises God has given me without obtaining all of the right “ingredients?” Would it work?

For those who have ever tried to make a dish without the proper ingredients, you can probably attest to the fact that it didn’t turn out quite right. You can’t bake cookies without the flour. In that same sense, pulling God-sized dreams “off of the shelf” before God paves the way for His promise can be detrimental. For example, if I were to be given my dream job without any preparation or education, I imagine I wouldn’t be very good at it!

So then, what is the shelf-life of a God-sized dream? How do you know when it’s time to take action? How do you know when it’s time to let the dream sit “on the shelf?”

A friend of mine recently shared a verse with me that I found to be so encouraging in this season. As it states in Zechariah 4:6, “Not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit.”

This verse was such a good reminder to me that God-sized dreams don’t have an expiration date. Furthermore, I can’t “force” His promises to happen in my time-table and my strength. God is faithful and fulfills every promise, but it is done through his Spirit.

It is my hope that in sharing this lesson I am learning, others are able to find hope and encouragement regarding dreams that have been placed “on the shelf.” I urge you to not short-circuit the process of God’s promise. Trust that God will do that miracle at the exact time it is supposed to happen. And in the meantime, enjoy all that He is teaching you in your current season.

To the faithful, God is faithful. (Psalm 18:25)

Until next time,

Tamara

Fish and Loaves

I love thinking practically. When it comes to change and taking risks, I definitely prefer to plan ahead, calculate for error, and organize things in such a way that I know exactly what the outcome will be (Shout out to all my Type A friends!) However, God recently reminded me of a story in the Bible that seems to suggest doing the exact opposite. As I was reflecting on future plans and asking God to speak something new to me, He reminded me of the story in which Jesus performed the miracle of feeding five thousand with two fish and five loaves of bread (John 6:1-14).

While reading this story, I felt God speak two main things to me:

1.) LET GO of the fish and bread.

2.) Believe God will multiply it.

I’ve always viewed this passage of scripture as a great miracle that Jesus performed, but few times have I noted the example of faith that it provides. Personally, if I were to place myself in the story as the individual possessing five loaves of bread and two fish, I can assume I would probably first ask Jesus some questions. Perhaps I’d ask, “How do you plan on using what I have to feed five thousand? Or maybe I’d propose a logical and strategic question such as, “Who are the most essential people to share my food with today?” But that’s not what happens in the story. The young boy possessing the fish and bread gives all of his lunch—the whole basket. He doesn’t ask how it will work out, or what the best method to take would be. He just lets go of his lunch and gives it to Jesus.

That’s some intense stuff. I am challenged by the young boy in this story. I am challenged with the questions, is my heart open enough to give everything to God? Do I trust Him enough to sacrifice in a way that defies logic and reason?

After the boy surrenders his lunch to Jesus, there’s something awesome that takes place. Jesus takes the two fish and five loaves of bread and instructs the disciples to start distributing it. This story becomes increasingly interesting to me, as I am certain if I was a discipline then I would be asking Jesus, “Hey what do you want me to do when the basket runs out?” The disciples don’t do that though. They simply begin to distribute the food, and it miraculously feeds five thousand people. Aside from how cool I think it would be to have a loaf of bread that never runs out, this is such an incredible example of God’s provision and trustworthiness. As the boy was faithful to give his lunch, and the disciples were faith-filled and obeyed Jesus’ instruction to distribute the food, God was faithful to them and brought an incredible blessing.

All of this is to say, Jesus is faithful and can be trusted. This story placed on my heart has reminded me and humbled me greatly of my need to surrender. As much as I love to operate on my own terms, there is so much greater in store when we choose to surrender to Jesus.

If you find yourself in a place where you are looking down at your “lunch” and wondering how it can possibly meet the seemingly endless needs before you, I challenge you to think bigger. Let go of the logic. Let go of your control, and place your offering into the hands of Jesus. Believe that the same One who used two fish and five loaves of bread to feed five thousand can do the same for you today.

Until next time,

Tamara

Loving the Lowercase

Helping people find their Purpose is something I’m really passionate about. I am a strong believer that God has created each and every person with a unique and specific calling. Whether the “Purpose” is leading, teaching, creating, repairing, helping, or something else, each human being possesses deep value and serves a significant role in the world. That being said, I have always struggled a bit to grasp and value the simple day-to-day life. I love having deep conversations about the “big things,” but the minor details and smaller events of life have never really phased me. I would even venture to say that I, at times, view daily tasks as irrelevant or pointless.

Recently, I feel God has been challenging me to refocus my perspective about the “small things.” While I am not suggesting that the jeans I pick out in the morning will make a difference in the way my day proceeds, I am learning that the little, seemingly “pointless” moments actually do matter. The small exchanges with a co-worker are important. The extra fifteen minutes taken to wash the dishes before bed are crucial. The quick phone call to a friend matters. The smile to a stranger in the parking lot is valuable.  While it’s hard to ever see what these small actions amount to, it is foolish to think that they do not matter. The little, seemingly insignificant moments can have a profound impact that goes beyond human understanding.

In my life currently, I have recently felt uninspired and frustrated with normalcy. I have settled into a job, am consistently attending church, and socialize with friends and family somewhat regularly. Yet, in the back of my mind, there is always a thought that troubles me. “What is the purpose of all of this anyway, and when will I fulfill the calling God has given me?”

Friends, today I want to encourage you with something I believe God has been speaking to me. I strongly sense God is calling me right now to “love the lowercase.” I am to cherish the moments that seem unimportant. I am to take action and respond to the small whispers I hear each day that challenge me to extend mercy. I am to enjoy and truly embrace every little opportunity to show kindness.

Each person, indeed, is designed with a deep purpose. There are things that make each human being unique and able to accomplish something significant. However, it is in the small, seemingly insignificant moments that we build character. It is in the little moments that things are set into motion. It is in the day-to-day, “lowercase” exchanges that the atmosphere shifts.

The “lowercase” matters. Therefore, I challenge you to join me in learning to love the “lowercase.”

Until next time,

Tamara

The Wilderness

Sometimes, we have to walk through the wilderness before reaching the Promised Land.

Have you ever been through a season of life where nothing seems to make sense, you’ve lost your sense of direction, and the end doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight?

Recently, I have gone through a pretty big transition in my life that could be considered “time in the wilderness.” After a seven month internship in Haiti, things abruptly changed as I was sent home four months early due to civil unrest. Three months have passed since then, and I have spent much of this time regrouping, contemplating what my future holds, applying to a seemingly endless number of jobs, and trying to find my place. The thoughts, “What am I doing?” “Where am I going?” and “What is the next step?” have troubled my mind throughout these months.

I would love to say that this whole time I have trusted in the Lord to direct my path and sustain me, but that is just not the full truth. There are several times in which I have grown weary, become frustrated, or even tried to take matters into my own hands. Despite my control-freak tendencies, it has become extremely clear that God has been using this time to grow my faith, teach me obedience, and stretch my patience.

Throughout this season, I am blessed to say that I have been taken care of very well. While my bank account wouldn’t exactly suggest I’m stable, God has provided for me and met every need in this time. In fact, He has even given me opportunities to bless others. He has reminded me that He is the One who supplies every need, not a job or a full bank account.

Additionally, this season has given me so many opportunities to meet with people and build friendships. If I was occupied with a job or school, I don’t believe I would have been able to maintain and grow in community in the way I have been able to throughout this time.

Finally, this season has given me a substantial amount of time to reflect, heal, and grow. If I’m being honest, I’ve struggled emotionally more this year than I have in a very long time. I do not find it to be coincidental that when I got home and immediately tried to press “go,” God closed some doors and forced me into a time of “pause.”

The wilderness is often something people like to skip over or ignore as part of the process. In reality though, we often have to go through the wilderness before reaching the Promised Land. I wholeheartedly believe God has great, big plans for every person. However, it is often in the moments of waiting and uncertainty that we are able to grow and prepare for all that He has planned.

“Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know that in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord God disciplines you. Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to Him and revering Him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills, a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey, a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing,” Deuteronomy 8:4-9

Until next time,

Tamara  

The Story of a Girl and Faith

Before she was born, there was a complication. She was breech. Her parents were faith-filled believers and trusted that God would take care of her. She was born healthy with no issues.

She spent her first few years in three different states. Her dad had a job that required relocating and travel.

It seemed that no matter where she went, it ended up feeling like home. She always remembered going to church. Even at age two, she remembered the kind pastor who looked like Santa Claus, always greeting her with a smile.

Before she was at an age where she could really grasp what was happening, her grandpa started to get sick. He had dementia, her parents told her. She was sad and confused about what this meant. Although she didn’t really comprehend the illness, she was able to spend several moments with her grandpa. She always remembered him saying, “It’s good to be alive,” and, “God is good.”  

During this same time frame, there was some exciting news. She was going to have another brother!

She started school. She met some friends that brought her great joy and fun. Her little brother was born. She loved having an older brother and a younger brother, being sandwiched in between.

One day after Sunday school, she was sitting in bed and thinking about hearing the story of Jesus. She remembered her mom and dad always telling her about God in their lives. She also thought about how Grandpa used to say, “God is good.” She decided she wanted to have Jesus in her life too. She prayed asking Jesus to come into her life, and felt excited about this new change.

Her grandpa died. She remembered sitting in her mom’s lap the last day she saw him. The room was peaceful. People were reading Scripture and singing. She was sad, but felt calm because Mom and Dad said Grandpa was going to Heaven.

Just two months after her grandpa died, the girl and her family welcomed another member! A baby brother. She was so excited.

In third grade, she found out she was going to have to switch schools. She wondered how she would ever make friends again. She was upset and worried. She prayed that God would help her through this. To her surprise, she quickly made new friends. She liked going to a school that she could ride her bike to, and she enjoyed her new teachers.

In fifth grade, the news came that she would be moving to another state. She wasn’t just sad this time. She was angry. She had just made new friends, and she was going to have to do it all over again! Not to mention, she was leaving much of her family behind.

Right around this time, her other grandpa was starting to get very sick. She became very sad, and wondered why God was letting all this happen.

She finished out the school year, then packed up and said goodbye to the familiar. Within the first couple weeks of living in a new place, she met a girl at church who would later become her best friend.

When she started school, she was surprised to find many new friends there too. Without putting forth too much effort, there seemed to be a constancy of people in her life that made it less lonely. Furthermore, her new church was a place that she felt welcomed and challenged.

Nonetheless, the middle school and high school years were difficult. As she started to get older, she began to wonder what her purpose was. She sought deep meaning, and struggled to find value. She found herself possessing questions that she couldn’t find the answers to. She began to wonder if God was truly all-loving and all-powerful, why He allowed certain things to happen.

Reading the Bible and going to church weren’t cutting it. She wanted to hear from God. It seemed like He was silent.

It was in this phase of life that she began to spend more time praying, listening, and asking God the hard questions. She found some mentors that encouraged her to be patient and continue to seek God.

On a typical night in youth group, she found herself feeling so far from hearing God’s voice. There was an opportunity to come to the altar of the church that night. She had plans to go hang out with friends, and was not really up for “waiting on the Lord.” However, in that moment she felt Him actually speak to her to stay. So, she stayed.

That night, she was baptized with the Holy Spirit.

This moment served as a reminder to her that God does see, and while the answers may not have always come in the way she expected, He was there with her. He could fulfill her and guide her if she was patient and let Him in.

Upon graduating high school, the questions of purpose and value began to seep back in. She wondered what she was going to do with her life. What was she going to study in college? When would she get married? What would adulthood look like?

She spent a few years in a state of uncertainty. She took her questions to God, and went through ups and downs of trusting in Him, then getting angry about waiting.

In due time, little pieces of clarity and direction came. A trip to Haiti opened her eyes to God’s goodness and joy amidst turmoil. Surely with her access to resources and lifestyle, she would be able to find joy too.

Through the years of college, her passions became clearer. Writing gave her an outlet to process life struggles. Worship music gave her a way to interact with God and the Church in a special way.

Eventually, she settled on a college major and thought she had a “game plan.” She became consumed with plans. She had vision, and she was ready to jump into what she thought was her purpose.

After graduating college, she was interviewing for jobs that were in her field. She was applying to grad schools. She was gearing up for the next stage in the progression. Yet, nothing seemed to take hold. No job seemed to fit, and the grad schools she wanted to attend declined her applications.

She was frustrated. It felt like another year of floundering had gone by.

Then, something came up that reminded her of who was directing her life. She heard a word from God. The word was “jodia,” meaning today, or “seize the day” in Haitian Creole.

She remembered the deep love and connection God had given her for the country of Haiti, and felt this was a call to action to spend some extended time there.

After a couple months had gone by, things were looking pretty stagnant. Just before settling on a last-choice graduate school, she was presented with the opportunity to move to Haiti for a year.

She was scared and unsure. This wasn’t exactly in the plan. Yet, she felt she was supposed to do it, so she went.

Her time in Haiti was a lot of learning. She had many incredible moments, many moments of frustration, and a constant process of relying on the Holy Spirit to make up for her cultural ignorance and insecurities.

A curveball came, and she ended up having to leave much sooner than anticipated. She took the news with sadness. She once again found herself wondering what God’s plan was, and how He would make it work.

TODAY, she is reflecting and reminded of the good Father that she has followed over the years. In times of doubt, Jesus Christ has been the guiding force that has kept her stable.

She remembers all the moments He has been faithful thus far.

Today, she remembers that the same God who sent His son to die on a cross, the same God who got her family through times of grief, the same God who provided for her in ways she never expected, the same God who led her on a journey that would grow her in ways she didn’t even know she needed to, the same God who loved her and gave her purpose, the same God who flipped a plan at the last second to be something so much greater, and the same God who gave her peace in every stressful situation is the One with her today.

She doesn’t know what is next. However, she knows her hope is founded in a faithful father.

Until next time,

Tamara