From Schedules to Surrender

I’m a lover of plans. I didn’t truly even recognize this quality within myself until I moved to a culture in which plans and schedules were secondary, and anything could change at a moment’s notice. For those who are naturally gifted in flexibility and “going with the flow,” I sure do admire you! While plans certainly have their place and are necessary to function in society, there is a beauty and vulnerability within flexibility that allows for mighty moves of the Holy Spirit.

For those who don’t know, my “plans” have been on a bit of a rollercoaster for the past several months. From planning to start graduate school and being called to do an internship in Haiti instead, to moving out of an apartment and losing roommates on a short notice, to being evacuated from a country I’ve grown to love with only 36 hours to pack and say goodbye, I’ve had my fair share of plans being changed.

Talking to friends and family during this phase of life, I have often joked about what tomorrow may bring, stating that you just never know!

Jokes aside, though, it really is interesting to think about what this phase of unpredictability has taught me. I have pondered the questions, “What if I had stuck to my own plan and started graduate school?” “What if I had avoided the path set before me to satisfy my personal desires?” “What if I took the periods of great uncertainty as an opportunity to give up on God?”

I don’t know where I would be right now if I simply pursued my own will in life, but I do know that I would be missing out on meeting some incredible people, experiencing some beautiful moments, and learning some really hard lessons. Most of all, I think I could have easily lost sight of my need for Jesus.

While I am very much still in the process of pursuing God in complete surrender, trust, and obedience, He has taught me some very important lessons through this process.

1.  God does not operate within the constraints of human time and understanding.

Yikes. As much as I don’t like this point, it is really true. It may take years to understand why God has put me on the course that He has. I may never fully grasp the purpose of each turn on the route. Rather, His plans are grander than I can understand and have divine timing.

2. God is always up to something bigger, better, and more powerful than I could ever expect!

Now this point, I like! I’m not going to lie, being obedient to God in this season has been tough. However, some of the relationships I have built and experiences I have had really make it all worth it. There were a number of occasions during my time in Haiti that I just sat back and thought, “Wow, I never could have orchestrated something as cool as this to happen.” Through the hard moments and the Spirit-filled moments, I have learned that God is always working below the surface to do something deep and remarkable.

As a true lover of plans, I want to encourage you today to, perhaps, loosen the reins of your own control over plans. As difficult as it is to be obedient and wholeheartedly trust God with every step, He is SO GOOD and SO FAITHFUL. He can be trusted.

Despite the rollercoaster this season has been, God has taken care of me every step! He has honored my faithfulness, and comforted me in the unknown. He has protected me, taught me, guided me, empowered me, and blessed me abundantly. Likewise, I am trusting Him with whatever is next! If you find yourself in a similar state of uncertainty, I urge you to do the same.

God’s plans are bigger, better, and more powerful than we could ever expect.

Until next time,

Tamara

The Race

Outside of the periodic photograph, I never truly documented my journey of accomplishing a life goal: to run a 10k race. As I am now several months removed from this feat (and certainly in worse physical shape), it is interesting to look back on this season in my life. I never could have imagined how much the physical stretching, pain, and triumph would teach me and prepare me for actual life.

As cliché as it may seem, life is truly like a really long run sometimes. Before the race begins, there’s a ton of necessary prep work that nobody will ever see. There’s a beginning, there’s an end, and there’s a bunch of stuff in the middle that makes you feel like you’re going to throw up. Oh, and there’s also some beautiful moments along the way too. All of these facets are necessary parts to a race, as well as necessary parts to life.

Without completely boring you, I’d like to briefly share some of the parallels between running and life I’ve learned that have become very meaningful to me.

1.       Prior to the “start,” there is intentional thought, preparation, and hard work that must take place.

Leading up to my 10k, the preparation could easily be identified as the hardest part. Nearly every day of the week I forced myself to run a little bit further. No matter what “pump up” music I had playing, it was tough. Many days felt like I would never make it to 6.2 miles. Progress seemed slow. However, it was the diligence of running each day that led my body to be able to reach its necessary fitness level for the race.

In terms of my life, things are not all that different. I believe God has called me to do something involving trauma therapy, and maybe something long-term in Haiti. This is obviously something that does not just happen automatically. While God has certainly given me some skills and abilities that will help me, there is a necessary learning and pruning process that has to take place first.

2.       The starting line is filled with energy, support, and encouragement.

The adrenaline rush that comes at the start a race is hard to put into words. Disregarding the fact that I got lost driving in Detroit and almost missed my race, it was an invigorating experience to watch time countdown to the moment for which I had been waiting and preparing. Many people were there cheering in support as I, along with the other runners, took off to begin the race.

I feel it is a similar experience in life. I have always found people I love and care about to be present during the big moments. Whether it was my first baby step, my first speech, or my send-off to Haiti, there was excitement, support, and encouragement that surrounded me in each starting moment.

3.       The middle is sparse in support, but small acts in the midst of everything become deeply important.

Once I got into my 10k race, there weren’t too many people around. The runners dispersed and cheering supporters were relatively infrequent. However, I had a friend with me that had agreed to run the race. She was clearly more fit than I, and could’ve evidently outran me. However, each time I had to slow down to catch my breath and told her she could run ahead, she told me “No, I’m running the race with you. Take your time. We’re going to finish this together.” This meant so much to me to have someone willing to run the race by my side, even if it meant setting her back.

One thing I love about life, is there is someone who has promised to never leave my side, no matter how much I slow down or get discouraged. While God didn’t promise a perfect or easy path, He promises to be there with His children through each moment. For that, I am so grateful!

4.       There are inevitable challenges that will try to throw you off course.

I’m not sure what other people have experienced in 10k races, but my experience was certainly frustrating at points. Around mile four or five, the race was supposed to reroute, and it became extremely unclear where to run. As I was running at a slower pace, I found this out after catching up to a confused group of other runners. We all had to talk together to see if we could find the way. Eventually, we ran into a kind man that had already finished and had come back to direct the correct path.

My life has definitely been full of confusing moments and challenges that have tempted me to get off course. Nothing is worse than getting close to a goal, then finding out about an unforeseen obstacle that must be crossed first. Nonetheless, it is in these moments I have learned that I must push through and persevere to finish the goal God has set before me. Notably, God has never left me hanging in the face of an obstacle. He has always managed to provide the knowledge or help needed to make it through.

5.       There’s hope and joy that comes with envisioning the finish line.

Prior to actually running the race, I thought the last mile would be the hardest. That was not the case. In reality, knowing that I was almost to the finish line made me very excited and gave me additional energy to finish strong. There’s something about knowing you’ve almost made it to the end that brings great joy!

I imagine it is similar in life. While I definitely feel I am still in the middle of the race of life, I can’t help but believe there’s a special spark of joy that comes before completion. God has given me goals and vision for the future, and will continue to do so throughout my life. It will be so exciting to approach these milestones.

6.       Regardless of how the ending looks, there is a beauty and honor in completion.

My 10k was somewhat lackluster in excitement at the end, as most people had already finished and the 5k runners were standing there preparing to start. However, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face running through the finish line. It didn’t matter how long it took me or what was happening around me. I completed a life goal, and there was great joy in that experience.

In life, I can’t wait to see what it will be like once my time and God’s purpose in me has been completed. While there may not be a huge crowd of support on earth, the honor that God gives will be unmatched. It is my greatest hope and goal that when I complete my journey of life, God will say to me with a smile and sincerity, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

If you made it through this entire post, I commend you for your diligence in finishing this “race.” It is my hope that no matter what stage of life you find yourself in, that you would keep running. Trust that God is good. Continue to pursue His goals for your life. Don’t be discouraged by the minor setbacks. Remember that God went before you, is running right beside you, and will be there at the very end.

Until next time,

Tamara

|2018|

It is peculiar to look back on my life at the beginning of 2018 and note how much has changed. I’ve never been much for New Year resolutions or extensive reflection on the year. I tend to hold the belief that a fresh start can happen anytime, and the date on a calendar doesn’t really make a big difference in the grand scheme of life. However, this year I have found myself to be surprisingly grateful for the timestamp that will mark the end of this season. It is as if God has indicated to me that the difficult season I have been in is coming to a halt. Certainly, challenges may very well be present in the coming season. However, there is a hope and burst of energy He has placed inside of me for 2019 that wasn’t there before. I am expectant and excited for what is in store. I am ready for what may come, good or bad. I am mentally in a place that I’ve never really been in before…one of which I just know that God will take care of me, teach me, and protect me regardless of what happens.

As most readers probably know, 2018 was a year of many life changes for me. I quit my job, packed up my life in two suitcases, and committed to living in Haiti for a year. This decision was initially really exciting and adventurous, but quickly brought on many challenges that I never really expected. I faced loneliness greater than I had ever experienced, encountered daily struggles of living in a different culture, and found myself in the middle of conflicts I never would have chosen to be involved in. In many circumstances, I felt myself feeling completely stripped of my comforts and crutches. In the peak of frustration, stress, and adjustment, my weaknesses became clearer to me than ever before.

I don’t share any of these emotions with the intent of blaming someone or being pitied. Honestly, I believe deep within my spirit that this “emotional stripping,” if you will, was exactly what God had planned for me in 2018. As much as it stinks to be in a season of brokenness, there is something special about it that breeds a higher level of trust and growth. Being in a state of vulnerability facilitates dependence on a Savior.

As the end of 2018 is approaching, I am grateful for what God has revealed to me this year. I have learned the lesson of what it is like to function without full surrender and total abandon to a Savior. I am humbled to have endured some great challenges that have taught me dependence. I am joyful for the growth and trust that has been established as a result of seeking God on a level I had never reached before.

Lastly, I am super excited for what God has planned in 2019. As I continue to shift the reins of control over to God, I can only imagine the blessings and powerful things He will do.

For those in a season of brokenness or “emotional stripping,” I encourage you to take this New Year as an indicator of God giving you a fresh start. Instead of looking on the past year with sadness or bitterness, declare triumph in the lessons learned. Thank God for His goodness in spite of struggle. Be reminded of our need for a Savior, and trust that His plans are GOOD. It is my prayer that you are blessed in the year of 2019, and that hope is restored within your spirit!

Until next time,

Tamara

Freedom and (In)Dependence

Can I help you with that?

No thank you, I can do it myself!

My whole life, I’ve always been a do-it-yourself kind of girl. I never liked group projects, I always problem-solved and learned how to fix things on my own, and I would sooner climb on top of a shelf than ask a tall man at the grocery store to reach that box of cereal that was far out of my 4 ft 11in reach.

Independence is a pretty glorified thing in Western culture. If I’m being completely honest, it’s something I have taken pride in. I have always liked the freedom of doing things on my own. Moreover, relying on other people and asking for help is something that has always made me cringe. Needing other people to help navigate life is scary.

As most readers probably know, I moved to Haiti about four months ago. I packed up two suitcases and went on my way. On the surface, this 11 month journey of moving to a foreign country “on my own” may have seemed like a pretty valiant and brave venture. However, it has actually been an incredibly humbling and difficult lesson for me to learn on the value of DEPENDENCE.

Basic things like going to the grocery store, fixing a generator (which sources power in my apartment), and even ordering a meal in another language are only a few things on the long list of times in which I have needed to ask for help since arriving in Haiti. I joke with my friends and family that every day something new goes wrong and I have to ask for help.

While I certainly wouldn’t say I have completely overcome my pride and “do-it-yourself” mentality, I have learned that there is great value in community. Being stripped away from the crutch of self-service culture and convenience has given me a new perspective.

Some of the greatest relationships I have built here in Haiti are a direct result of living in community. From basic apartment maintenance, to shopping trips, to friends flocking over when I saw a “dife” (fire!) on top of my generator, I am continuously going through a process of learning to ask for help. Likewise, I am learning to trust others.

God has used these day-to-day challenges to teach me not only that I need others, but I need Him. I am certain that I could not have possibly maintained emotional and spiritual sanity in isolation. As I have had to seek the help of others and the direction and wisdom of God during this season of “newness” and transition, I have grown to realize my need for a Savior. God has given me peace and challenged me to trust Him when the world around me has seemed daunting and difficult.

If you find yourself in a state of being overly independent, I encourage you to be reminded of the value in dependence today. Although you may not be in a season of “needing others,” I challenge you to cherish the community that you’re in. If there is someone that is more qualified to do something for you and is offering to help, let them. If you have an opportunity to work alongside someone rather than just “doing it yourself,” take the time to do so. God created us to live in community with Him and others.

Let us never become so prideful of independence that we neglect the value of community and the value of dependence on our Creator. We are better together.

Until next time,

Tamara

Patient Endurance

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. Hebrews 10:36

While sitting in my bedroom after 48 hours of feeling extremely sick with what I believe to be food poisoning, I opened my Bible app and immediately stumbled upon the topic of “patient endurance.” Typically, I strangely enjoy challenges in the Bible about “rejoicing in suffering” and standing firm against all odds. Perhaps it’s my background in positive psychology and belief in the power of the mind, or perhaps I tend to unknowingly remove myself from the idea of suffering. Regardless, patient endurance wasn’t exactly the charge I was looking for amidst the miserable stomach pain. Yet, I believe this passage of scripture was exactly the reminder God wanted to give me at this time.

Patience is defined as the “ability to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.” Not to mention, patience is also a fruit of the Spirit. Endurance is defined as “the ability to endure an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.” Patience and endurance go hand in hand. As one is patient, they will then possess greater endurance to continue on the path set before them.

Laying on my bed trying not to vomit, patient endurance seemed like a ridiculous thing for God to be presenting to me. I was feeling annoyed and frustrated about my condition and being far from home, and was honestly ready to just have a little pity party. As I read this charge about “patient endurance,” however, I was reminded of someone who patiently endured far more than I ever could. There was someone who endured the most brutal death one could ever imagine, and did so with grace and endurance. There was someone who was spat on as His nail-pierced hands held Him up on a cross that yelled, “Father, forgive them.” Let’s talk about patient endurance!

All this is to say, in my physical weakness and frustration, God is calling me to something greater. The story of Jesus’ patient endurance ends with a beautiful resurrection that brought redemption for every sinner (aka you and I). Likewise, choosing to be patient and endure the unpleasant will help me to fulfill God’s will for my life. While I may not see beyond the “sickness,” God is working and planning to fulfill His promise.

First, I must be patient.

Until next time,

Tamara

Jodia

Today/JODIA, I am reminded of why I came to Haiti in the first place. While there is nothing extraordinary or remarkable about today, the time I have spent in personal reflection and prayer has led me come to a newfound understanding of why I am where I am, and why it’s okay that many of my expectations and plans are not being fulfilled at this time.

I have been in Haiti for a little over two months now, and if I’m being totally honest, it hasn’t been exactly what I expected. I don’t say this to bash anyone I am working alongside or anyone who helped me set expectations for this assignment, nor am I arguing that one should not prepare and plan for future endeavors. Rather, I am sharing this because I believe what I am learning is a valuable principle that can be applied to any situation in which one’s personal expectations or goals are not being fulfilled.

The word that led me to say “yes” to coming to Haiti for 11 months was “jodia,” or “seize the day,” in Haitian Creole. This word was something God spoke to me in a time of prayer prior to even knowing what it meant. As I am realizing now, this word wasn’t just to push me to make that initial decision of coming to Haiti, but was also to remind me while on the field that I am to seize the day. I am to seize every moment as an opportunity.

Practically speaking, my role in Haiti right now is primarily learning-based and less ministry-focused than I anticipated. However, this reality has caused me to really evaluate how I value time, and what my intentions are with each action I take. Am I seizing every moment as an opportunity? Am I taking every thought captive? Am I viewing every smile, glance, or interaction as a possibility for God to do something?

I am in Haiti because God called me to seize the day and accept this awesome opportunity to learn. While I may not be living the life I expected here and my goals may not be getting accomplished at this time, I am learning about things that never even crossed my mind before.

Overall, my time so far has taught me that I must never think my plans are more grandiose than God’s plans. I must never belittle the value in the mundane. I must never put God into a box of my own understanding, refusing to do or be in any circumstance that is outside of my own will.

The incredible truth behind all of this is that God DOES have purpose deeper than my own understanding, and there is immense value in seizing every passing moment as an opportunity.

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

If you are in a situation in which you are struggling with your expectations versus reality, I challenge you to view this season as an opportunity. Listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you, and trust that there is something good in it. As we begin to trust God’s plan and take every moment captive, God is able to work in us and those around us in ways far greater than we could ever imagine.

Until next time,

Tamara

Abide

Abide: to bear patiently; to endure without yielding; to remain stable or in a fixed state

If there’s one thing I despise doing, it’s sitting around waiting for something to happen. This is especially hard when the thing I am waiting for is uncertain or unclear. So often, I am tempted to take action in order to bypass the “waiting” time and reach a quick result.

What I have learned to be true in these times of waiting is this:

I can’t bake a delicious cake in a microwave, I can’t become an expert from reading “Sparknotes,” I can’t run a 10k without extensive training, and whether I like it or not, I cannot fulfill the Lord’s call on my life without a season of waiting.

Perhaps not everyone is called to wait for the same amount of time, but I do believe that the Bible makes it clear that a plentiful harvest requires a time of planting, building, and, WAITING. As Jesus states in John 15:4, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

This passage has been challenging me deeply. While God has given me some vision and direction about what I am called to do during this season, I have surprisingly found myself in several instances where I don’t know what God is specifically speaking or what I should be doing. From this passage, I am reminded that to reach the next step, I need to abide in the Lord. I need to remain in His presence and patiently pursue His will, even when things don’t seem to make sense.

If you find yourself in a similar season, I encourage you to remind yourself of the value in waiting. A cake certainly tastes a lot better when it is cooked the perfect amount of time in the oven, a 10k is definitely a lot easier to run if it is preceded by extensive training, and the release of God’s purpose and will for your life is undoubtedly much sweeter when you choose to remain in His presence and allow time to grow.

I challenge you, as I am challenging myself, to ALLOW time to wait. If it seems like God is holding out on you, continue to pursue Him. Don’t lose heart and derail the process for a quick result. In due time, God will produce a harvest that is far better than you or I could ever achieve in our own time or strength.

Until next time,

Tamara