Saturday, October 17, 2020

Lost



Have you ever found yourself separated from your "group" in a crowded place, petrified with fear? There are a handful of times in my life that I have felt this way, but there's one particular story that has stayed with me.


On July 4th when I was around 7 years old, I vividly remember getting lost during a firework show. I had walked to the bathroom with my cousin. We spent what felt like hours trying to get back to our parents. I remember everything being so dark, with only the flashes of the fireworks as opportunities to see the crowd. I remember beginning to feel very worried that we were never going to find our way back. As we scanned through family after family, I felt completely helpless being unable to see. I had reached a point where I put my hand on a lady's shoulder and called out, "Mom?" The lady calmly responded, "I'm not your mom, sweetie." Fear and embarrassment struck through my body, and I worried that we were going to be lost for good. 


As I kept pushing through the crowd, I started whispering "Mom" repeatedly in hopes that my mom would somehow hear me. After what felt like hours (but was likely a few minutes), I heard a voice respond back to me about 20 feet from where I was walking. As I called out, "Mom," I heard the words, "I'm right here." 


Relief swept through me and I immediately knew I was safe again. I found my way back to my mom. She was in exactly the same spot as when I had left, but I was so disoriented from walking away that I couldn't remember where to find her. She didn't get up or leave me. She was right there the whole time, waiting for me to come back. And she most certainly would not have left without me. 


I share all of this to say, I feel God has reminded me of this story as a parallel to the current season of turmoil and isolation. Many of us have found ourselves in 2020 feeling lost, alone, and perhaps even in place beyond the point of repair. Being perfectly honest, I certainly have had times throughout this season in which I've asked God, "Why are you letting this happen? Where are you? I can't see you!"


Looking back to this story of getting lost as a child, there are some notable things that serve as a great reminder of how God views His children. 


1.) As I called out for my mom, I didn't get a response right away. But as soon as my mom knew I was looking for her, she called back to me and helped me find my way back. 


“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13


God is not some trickster that plays hide and seek with His children. If we call out to Him, He is always ready to come and make Himself known to us. Furthermore, this verse reminds us of His promise to respond when we seek Him with our whole heart.


2.) My mom never left me. I lost sight of her and became disoriented from the darkness and the crowd, but she was present the whole time and never would have left without me.


Similarly, God is *always* present. Sometimes I think we really lose sight of this. With the world being in such a tumultuous time, it's hard to see clearly. It's easy to latch onto other things and mistake something in the shadows for our Father. But God is not a God that leaves us high and dry. He is always faithful, and will always answer us. Furthermore, when we choose to take time to learn His voice well by spending time in Scripture and prayer, we are able to easily distinguish His response amidst the noise as we call out on His name. 


If you find yourself in a season of feeling lost, I encourage you to be reminded of the truth that God is with you. 


“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.” Acts 17:24-27 


Until next time, 


Tamara


Friday, March 20, 2020

What It's Worth



There’s nothing quite like a global pandemic to strike up an existential crisis. Where fear runs rampant and uncertainty seems to have no expiration date, it can be really difficult to remain fixated on what once was clear and true.

Along with the majority of social media users, I have experienced an endless influx of news and information regarding the COVID-19 outbreak that has crippled the globe. As I have been left to pray, think, and cope with day-to-day functioning in light of what is happening, I can’t help but think about my faith. What makes following Jesus worth it? Why has He allowed all this suffering to happen? How should my experience be different from someone who does not consider Jesus as their Savior?

These kinds of questions are uncomfortable. In the security of normal day-to-day life, I don’t necessarily have to think about these things. I can brush off my misunderstanding. I can, in a sense, balance my “Christian life” and my mundane, everyday activity. But that’s really missing the point—and it’s not what was intended for me all along.

So, what is it worth to follow Jesus? Why do I know, without a doubt, that He is for me and not against me in these moments of suffering? What has drawn me to follow Jesus, and keeps me from living a life for anything else?

The answer to these questions is simple, yet my human mind so desperately desires to complicate it.

It is worth it to follow Jesus simply because it is what I was created to do.

Not satisfied? I wasn’t either initially. That is, not until I pondered the vastness of all that this statement truly means, and how it has played out in my life.

Similar to how a child innately desires to be with their parent, we are uniquely fashioned in the Image of God. We are designed to bring Him glory. His love is unending for us, and He unconditionally pursues us. He sent His very own Son to earth, to die a brutal death on a cross, so that we could have the opportunity to spend eternity with Him.

So what does that mean for me? Initially, I thought about writing about all of the “fringe benefits” that often coincide with following Jesus. While I could go on and on about all the times Jesus has brought me peace, joy, and strength amidst the worst of circumstances, there is a greater purpose to following Him. I have purpose and security simply because by choosing to follow Him, He is always with me.

It is worth it to follow Jesus because it is what I was made to do; and by choosing to follow Him, He remains with me!

As I look ahead to these weeks, or even months of struggle to come, I am able to hold tight to the truth that I am not alone. The very One who created me into existence is walking beside me, reminding me of my purpose, giving me hope, and bringing me strength. It is my one desire that amidst all of this, I am able to bring Him honor and glory.

If you are feeling discouraged, remember that your suffering is not final. You are not alone. Jesus is waiting to fill you, sustain you, and show Himself faithful in your life. Will you invite Him to do so?

In this world you may have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Until next time,

Tamara

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Is There More?



When it comes to viewing life, I tend to visualize a linear progression marked with milestones and a clear “finish line.” Cultural expectations and social comparison are significant contributors to this mindset. Whether referring to the past, present, or future, there is a clear “model,” or expectation of what is supposed to happen.

For me, the weight of what I would do and who I would become fell heavy on me beginning early in my teen years. At 14, I spent many sleepless nights worrying about how I would perform in school, hoping that it would be good enough to get a scholarship for college. When I was 18, I was paralyzed by the unknown. I was so frustrated with myself for not knowing what my occupation would be, or how I would get to that point. At 22, I graduated and was, again, completely struck with anxiety regarding my future. How would I find a job in my field? When would I pay off student loans? Would I meet someone to be my husband? Would I move out? At 23, I found myself fearful and frustrated after an abrupt ending to living in Haiti. I felt I was thrown back into my past, with no traction or clear path ahead.

As I look back, there are a few alarming things I notice about my thought pattern. 1.) Everything was about “me.” Yikes. As harsh of a reality it is to face, it’s evidently clear that so much of my anxiety has stemmed from what I can “get” out of life. Whether that be the best job, the perfect husband, financial stability, or independence, I have spent far too much time worrying about satisfying my desires.  

2.) Allowing my anxious thoughts to take the driver’s seat has often stifled the possibility for anything “unplanned” to happen. Although determination and conscientiousness are not inherently bad qualities, they have blinded me from out of the ordinary experiences. Furthermore, they may have completely inhibited me from engaging in what is right in front of me.

Through these observations, I am challenged to think deeper about my motivations. Is there more to life than what I can see? Have I missed opportunities because I am so focused on my “plan?” Am I so focused on myself, that I have forgotten the Author and Savior of my life?

I’m thankful for a God that is patient—because it seems I have been learning the same lesson over and over again. God has gracefully revealed to me that life is not always linear. As much as I would like to seamlessly hit each milestone I have been trained to expect, it doesn’t always work that way. God has shown me that some of the most pivotal moments are the ones that are a bit “off course.”

Furthermore, I’m not the best “driver.” No matter how many times I have ripped the steering wheel from God’s gentle grasp to take the route I see fit, God always patiently waits for me to return my trust to Him.

As I am on the precipice of becoming ¼ a century old (yikes), I want to make a declaration of Who is the “driver” of my life. Today, I choose to trust God with whatever He has planned. I choose to release my expectations and hardwired tendency to take control. I choose to surrender and live my life for God first, and all else second. I trust that what He has planned is good, and will far surpass my deepest hopes and dreams.

If you find yourself in a similar place of gripping tightly to expectations and control, I challenge you to join me in this “release.” Instead, trust in the One who will do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to His power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20).

Until next time,

Tamara