The Danger of Settling

If you’re someone who lives in America, you are probably part of the majority that, on occasion, scraps the idea of having a balanced meal and opts for a quick drive-thru dinner. Maybe you’re a student who was assigned to read a book that seems to be just a tad too long, and you decide to look it up on “sparknotes” instead. Or perhaps you are guilty of the shortcut cleaning method, and tend to “clean” by putting your mess in a place that isn’t visible. Although all these habits may be relatively harmless, they all share a common theme: they are shortcuts. Shortcuts are quick, easy, and effective. They usually get the job done, and on the surface they seem perfectly sufficient. However, when we begin to look deeper into the consequences of settling, it becomes clear that our needs are not being completely satisfied, we are not getting what was meant for that experience out of it, or we are not really accomplishing anything. Although a McDouble once in a while won’t kill you, living a lifestyle with the attitude of settling becomes a deterrent to our future. When we choose to opt for less than God has planned for us, we are not only losing moments; but sacrificing His plans.

Something that’s difficult to understand is the fact that God’s plans are, in fact, better than we know. It would be really awesome if we could just get a map with the play-by-play of everything God has planned for us. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Whether you are waiting for the perfect job, the ideal husband/wife, a breakthrough moment, or simply happiness; we all have desires we long to be fulfilled. However, our personal desires are not always what we need. I can remember hearing this statement in church time after time, and just getting irritated. I would often think, “If God wants me to happy, then why can’t I just be happy?” As I have grown older, I have found that often times, the things I thought would satisfy me in my moments of emptiness were not necessarily the right things. Sure, they would probably make me happy—but they weren’t what I really needed. As frustrating as it can be to wait on our greatest desires, we must remember that God promises to satisfy our needs, and He knows what is best for us.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

So, maybe you know this already. What about our desires though? Does God care about that? And are we just supposed to wait for this to all play out? Something I’m still learning is to trust that God knows my heart; He has given me desires, and He is working. In the meantime, I am not meant to be left with a sense of emptiness or distress. Rather, as I surrender my trust to Him, He brings fullness to my life. As stated in Psalm 16:11, “You (God) make(s) known to me the path of life; in your (His) presence there is fullness of joy; at your (His)right hand are pleasures forevermore. So what often appears as God leaving us hanging, is really just a challenge to us to trust Him.

If you feel like you are in a place where settling seems like the best/only option, I encourage you to try and loosen the reins of your control. Although there are so many times it would be easier to just take a “shortcut” or alternate route, trusting God to take us through these times is a choice of great reward.

Until next time,

-Tamara

Purity

RE: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity, and I Wish I Hadn’t by Samantha Pugsley

 

I recently came across an article entitled, “I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity, and I Wish I Hadn’t.” [You can read this post @ I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity, and I Wish I Hadn't.] As someone who has made the same commitment of purity, I was initially taken back by the bold claim, and decided to further my understanding of the author’s position. As I read through her testimonial, I’ll be honest I felt sorry for her. In the post, she tells of how her church strongly encouraged her to make this decision at a very young age, and how this decision slowly became her sole identity. As she states in the article, “For more than a decade, I wore my virginity like a badge of honor. My church encouraged me to do so, saying my testimony would inspire other young girls to follow suit. If the topic ever came up in conversation, I was happy to let people know that I had taken a pledge of purity.” However, her initial eagerness to remain pure faded into a learned disgust towards sexuality. As taught, the author believed sex to be sinful and wrong. This didn’t pose a problem until marriage—when her supposed purity would be taken away. As she states, “Everyone told me it would be uncomfortable the first time. What they didn’t tell me is that I would be back in the bathroom afterward, crying quietly for reasons I didn’t yet comprehend. They didn’t tell me that I’d be on my honeymoon, crying again, because sex felt dirty and wrong and sinful even though I was married and it was supposed to be okay now.”

Sad story, but what is so compelling about it? Unless you share the beliefs of Christian faith, the initial response to this piece is probably a mixture of pity towards the author, and annoyance with those who pressured and supported her decision to remain pure. However, between the lines there is a clear and persistent issue with the understanding of what purity really is, who it’s for, and why it exists in the first place. In the author’s case, she makes a commitment of purity because she’s encouraged to, and it’s the “right thing to do.” Nevertheless, she faces emotional turmoil as a direct result. Essentially, this points to a simple truth: A false understanding of purity coupled with wrong motives led the author to a painful struggle, and ultimately, complete loss of her faith in Christ.

…All of which brings me to the “So what?” factor. As you may be wondering, there is, in fact, a reason to me rehashing all of this information. As stated earlier in this post, I too, have committed to remain pure. However, unraveling the unfortunate story of the woman who wrote the article inspired me to return to the basics of why I chose a lifestyle of purity, and why I still choose purity to this day.

Purity is….

A deliberate decision to do one’s best in maintaining a lifestyle that is uplifting, free of sin, and glorifying to God.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5

Purity is for….

Everyone; married, single, male, or female. Purity isn’t just about not having sex before marriage; as stated above, it is a lifestyle decision.

³ For this is the will of God, your sanctification^[a] that you abstain from sexual immorality; ⁴ that each one of you know how to control his own body^[b] in holiness and honor. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4

Purity exists because…

God created it for our protection. Although humanity and religion have transformed the definition of purity into a set of rules, rather, it acts as our shield. Purity keeps us from emotional and spiritual baggage that can be attached to poor decisions.

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. Galatians 5:1 (MSG)

[For more on purity check out my post: Why I Choose Purity ]

It’s unfortunate that the author of the post described faced such difficult struggles emotionally after marriage, but what I found most disheartening was the sole fact that she was not exposed to the beauty that purity entails. My hope is that in reading this, you find true understanding of purity, and find that it is, in fact, a choice worth making.

Until next time,

Tamara

A Message to the Broken

Have you ever felt like you've messed up to the point where there is no way, no hope, and no purpose for you to ever be forgiven? Or perhaps you've fell into a rut of feeling worthless; as though healing and forgiveness should not be wasted on you. In a world where smiles and how are you’s have become something robotic and deceptive, it is the unfortunate truth that many of us are secretly left feeling broken and bruised, and unworthy of healing.

The Truth: You are [worth being] forgiven.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

This truth still seems to blow my mind. So often, I mess up and wonder why God would ever want to forgive me. Although I may never understand why, He was willing to sacrifice His son’s life so that I would not have to bear the burden. Likewise, God sacrificed for you too. In fact, He would have made the sacrifice for you, and you alone. Whether we see it or not, God values us so much that even when we make terrible mistakes, He still sees unmatchable, profound worth in us (Psalm 139:13-15, Jeremiah 29:11.)

The Truth: You are [worth being] healed.

I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you. Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. Isaiah 41:10 MSG

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Just as God is eager to forgive us, He is also willing to heal us. Although He could easily leave us alone to try and pick up the broken pieces, as stated in the verses above, He walks with us though our difficult time. Even though we may have messed up, God desires to strengthen us through this process and take away our burdens.  

The Truth: You are [worth being] made new.

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

When we choose to come to God in our vulnerable state of brokenness, He doesn’t focus on the things we could have done differently. Rather, He wipes away our imperfections and begins a transformation. Therefore, we are not defined by what we once were. Instead, we may choose to be defined by who God is transforming us to be.

Until next time,

-Tamara

Finding Joy

Maybe you’re an optimist, and tend to enjoy life. Or maybe you’re like me, a natural pessimist; less apt to “see the bright side.” When it comes down to it, however, we have all faced a time in our lives where the glass truly looked half empty. Sometimes it seems as though joy is simply out of reach, and no matter how hard we try, the pain just won’t go away. However, what we often don’t realize is that we may, in fact, be our own worst enemy.

The truth: Joy will not be found if you do not seek it.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. James 1:2

As strange as it sounds, sometimes we avoid joy and opt for self-pity. When going through a difficult time, it’s so easy to question, react, and review all that has gone wrong. However, in doing this we miss the opportunity to reclaim what has been taken from us in the first place. Our joy. Trials put us in a weak, vulnerable state. Likewise, they can easily overtake us. However, when we choose to seek joy during our trials, and lean on God in our weakness, He will sustain us.

The truth: Holding on to anger and previous pain will hinder you from receiving joy.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

Sometimes, we hold on to anger and hurt for so long that we are placed in a rut. In fact, we may even try to compartmentalize our anger—making claims such as, “I’ll allow joy in this area of my life…but not that one. I’m still mad about that.” However, anger and pain have a tendency to spill over into every aspect of our lives, thus hindering us from experiencing true joy. Therefore, it is vital that we surrender, forgive, and let go of the past so we are able to see clearly the new, joyous things God has to offer.

The truth: The things you value will determine your fruit.

You don’t get wormy apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples off a diseased tree. The health of the apple tells the health of the tree. You must begin with your own life-giving lives. It’s who you are, not what you say and do, that counts. Your true being brims over into true words and deeds. Luke 6:43-45

It’s also essential that we fill our lives with things and people that build us up. As a natural pessimist, I will admit how easy it is for me to fall out of joy anytime I am exposed to negativity. However, when I place my time and value in relationships and activities that build me up, I am easily encouraged and filled with joy.

Therefore, choose to surrender the anger, the pain, and the strife. Choose to rejoice amidst the trial. Choose to surround yourself with things that build you up. Choose joy.

Until next time,

-Tamara

A Moment That Changed Everything

A moment that changed everything…

It could be a phone call that flipped your life upside down. Maybe it’s a mistake that crumbled your confidence. Tragically, could it be an innocence unjustly ripped away? Or perhaps a heartbreak that tore you to pieces.  Tainted by the world and human nature, pain weaves its way into our lives. As frustration, confusion, and depression seep into our flesh, it’s easy to give up. It’s easy to be overcome by emotions. It’s easy to resort to self-destructive behavior. As the world tells us to stay strong and move on, we are left still broken and bruised. It is in these very moments that we must make a choice. Do we go through the motions and try to cope on our own, or do we wholly surrender to Christ?

The Truth: Freedom is found in a surrender [To Christ.]

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22

As we begin to let go of our pain and ask God for help, He sustains us. By surrendering to God, we are releasing our burdens. Although pain may not always be erased immediately, God will bring comfort and peace in even the most difficult struggles. Specifically in my life, I am so grateful that God has been there to comfort me in my weakness.  No matter the situation, Christ is there with open arms just waiting for you to surrender.

The Truth: Healing is a process.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11

Often times, many look over the fact that healing doesn’t always happen immediately. Sometimes, God uses these difficult struggles in our lives as growth periods, where we can learn to rely more on Him. Although it may not be easy, God promises to bring peace, strength, and comfort. As we face these trials, it is essential to hold tight to God, and remember He will make everything beautiful in His time.

The Truth: There is beauty in your scars.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Romans 5:3-4

Let’s be real, nobody likes going through difficult times. Nevertheless, these times are critical in growing our faith. As we draw nearer to Christ in our times of trouble, His strength becomes more prominent in our lives. Furthermore, our scars become a testimony to who God is. Although it’s not easy, surrendering our struggles to Christ precedes renewal, healing, peace, and redemption.

Life is messy. Sometimes, we are burdened with struggles that have the potential to overtake us. Although it may be natural to try and hide in your weakness or cope on your own, I encourage you surrender to Christ. He is willing to carry your burdens and walk you through this difficult time; you simply must surrender to Him. 

Until next time,

-Tamara

Impact

Hearing the tragic news regarding three late fellow graduates within the matter of only a few months has challenged me to reevaluate my perspective. I wrote this poem as a personal reminder to cherish my time of impact on this earth. Furthermore, I extend my prayers to each family member and friend of these individuals. 

In an instant, the essence of time is lost.

As we slip away from what we call home,

Our eternity, our true future, is left to the world unknown.

Before being given a new set of eyes,

The world seems so big,

And our tomorrow is left disguised.

Blind to the beauty, the truth, and the pain,

It seems as though we pass through life unaware of the plain.

With an aching soul we plea for a chance to rewind,

But what was right in front of us is now left behind.

Each moment is so dear, and every choice matters.

But none of this seems clear until life begins to shatter.

Awaken my soul, Oh God,

Lift up my eyes.

Help me to see clearly,

and to cherish this world you love so dearly.

-Tamara

More than a box of chocolates and a dozen roses....

More than a box of chocolates and a dozen roses….

We know the fairytale all too well. We have been taught the things to look for, and until that prince charming comes to sweep you and me off our feet, we wait patiently.

Oh wait, maybe not. Dare I say, perhaps, we may have been going about this “relationship” thing entirely wrong? Granted, social media isn’t doing us any favors in this department. Each and every day, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter privilege us to witness perks of these seemingly “cookie cutter” relationships. It looks good. It looks fun. It seems romantic. And I’m not saying it isn’t. There’s nothing wrong with the sweet parts of a relationship. However, it becomes a problem when that is the goal of a relationship. Furthermore, it becomes a problem when these pictures create an expectation in a relationship.

When it comes down to it, a relationship is a partnership. It’s so easy to get caught in the Disney trap of expecting instant love through locked eyes, or joy from frivolous gifts. In reality, a healthy relationship is a blessing from God meant to encourage and strengthen you daily.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Furthermore, relationships are meant to be a reflection of Christ’s great love for us. In a partnership, many characteristics that Jesus exemplified are the glue that holds a couple together.

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

As the scripture displays, love is about so much more than a box of chocolates and a dozen roses. In fact, I’m pretty sure it wasn't mentioned in there ;). Unlike social media, Disney, and other sources, the Bible sets the stage for a true, uplifting relationship. When we begin to grasp the meaning of Christ’s love, we are more capable of understanding the purpose and beauty of a human relationship.

I encourage you to remind yourself of what a relationship truly entails the next time you come across a seemingly ideal “love” trap. Each and every relationship we have, intimate or not, is a blessing. Instead of drooling over what you “could have,” try to cherish and learn from your relationships. After all, the greatest love any man could ever have has already been given.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him Psalm 103:11

For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Until next time,

-Tamara

What Are You Rooted In?

What Are You Rooted In?

 

The world is crumbling all around you as the wind begins to shake you, and you are forced to hold tight; hold tight to the ground you so hastily rooted yourself in.  You look towards the sky and begin to wonder, “Is the foundation strong enough? Can I make it through this storm?” Unfortunately, many times we find ourselves to be amidst a storm in our lives before we have even thought to build a solid foundation. Just like it is important for a tree to have strong, deep roots in good soil, it is essential that we choose to root our lives fully in things that will keep us firm in the middle of a crisis.

The truth: What you choose to root yourself in (the soil) is the first step in determining your strength amidst a storm.

¹¹ For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:11

The Rock: His works are perfect, and the way he works is fair and just; A God you can depend upon, no exceptions, a straight-arrow God. His messed-up, mixed-up children, his non-children, throw mud at him but none of it sticks. Deuteronomy 32:4 MSG

Continuously throughout the Bible, Christ is referred to as “The Rock,” and “Cornerstone.” These words are simply illustrations of the strength and stability that God possesses, and signify what He can provide us with when we build our foundation in Him. When we make the choice to surrender our lives to Christ, He is the Rock we can lean on in the midst of even the strongest storm.

The truth: The things you choose to surround yourself with have the power to nourish or deteriorate your foundation.

Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. 2 Peter 3:17

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

As these verses describe, the people you choose to allow into your life can either strengthen you, or lead you astray. It is essential that we are careful with what and who we allow into our lives, as it will spill into many other areas; thus building us up, or tearing us down.

The truth: A solid foundation paired with a healthy/encouraging environment will precede stability in the challenges/storms ahead.

The Wise and Foolish Builders

²⁴ “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27

Just as the wise man in the story had to be intentional about building his house on a firm foundation, we must also be intentional about where and what we root our lives in. Are you rooted in things that strengthen and encourage you, or are you ingrained in destructive things that tear you down?

Until next time,

-Tamara