The Shelf-Life of a God-Sized Dream

My family lovingly refers to my mother as the “expiration police,” as she often goes through cupboards to ensure that nothing has expired. If an item is close to the due date, my mom is sure to incorporate the item to be used in some sort of dish before it reaches the “expiration.”

As I was reflecting on the dreams and hopes God has given to me, I couldn’t help but realize that I have, in a sense, viewed seasons of “waiting” with an expiration. I believe God has really grown my faith and taught me to trust in Him, but it would be dishonest for me to say I haven’t placed stipulations and “due dates” on my trust. The imagery of my hopes and dreams being placed “on the shelf” in this season has caused me to ask myself, “How long should I really wait to tap into these dreams?” “What would happen if I were to pursue the promises God has given me without obtaining all of the right “ingredients?” Would it work?

For those who have ever tried to make a dish without the proper ingredients, you can probably attest to the fact that it didn’t turn out quite right. You can’t bake cookies without the flour. In that same sense, pulling God-sized dreams “off of the shelf” before God paves the way for His promise can be detrimental. For example, if I were to be given my dream job without any preparation or education, I imagine I wouldn’t be very good at it!

So then, what is the shelf-life of a God-sized dream? How do you know when it’s time to take action? How do you know when it’s time to let the dream sit “on the shelf?”

A friend of mine recently shared a verse with me that I found to be so encouraging in this season. As it states in Zechariah 4:6, “Not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit.”

This verse was such a good reminder to me that God-sized dreams don’t have an expiration date. Furthermore, I can’t “force” His promises to happen in my time-table and my strength. God is faithful and fulfills every promise, but it is done through his Spirit.

It is my hope that in sharing this lesson I am learning, others are able to find hope and encouragement regarding dreams that have been placed “on the shelf.” I urge you to not short-circuit the process of God’s promise. Trust that God will do that miracle at the exact time it is supposed to happen. And in the meantime, enjoy all that He is teaching you in your current season.

To the faithful, God is faithful. (Psalm 18:25)

Until next time,

Tamara

Fish and Loaves

I love thinking practically. When it comes to change and taking risks, I definitely prefer to plan ahead, calculate for error, and organize things in such a way that I know exactly what the outcome will be (Shout out to all my Type A friends!) However, God recently reminded me of a story in the Bible that seems to suggest doing the exact opposite. As I was reflecting on future plans and asking God to speak something new to me, He reminded me of the story in which Jesus performed the miracle of feeding five thousand with two fish and five loaves of bread (John 6:1-14).

While reading this story, I felt God speak two main things to me:

1.) LET GO of the fish and bread.

2.) Believe God will multiply it.

I’ve always viewed this passage of scripture as a great miracle that Jesus performed, but few times have I noted the example of faith that it provides. Personally, if I were to place myself in the story as the individual possessing five loaves of bread and two fish, I can assume I would probably first ask Jesus some questions. Perhaps I’d ask, “How do you plan on using what I have to feed five thousand? Or maybe I’d propose a logical and strategic question such as, “Who are the most essential people to share my food with today?” But that’s not what happens in the story. The young boy possessing the fish and bread gives all of his lunch—the whole basket. He doesn’t ask how it will work out, or what the best method to take would be. He just lets go of his lunch and gives it to Jesus.

That’s some intense stuff. I am challenged by the young boy in this story. I am challenged with the questions, is my heart open enough to give everything to God? Do I trust Him enough to sacrifice in a way that defies logic and reason?

After the boy surrenders his lunch to Jesus, there’s something awesome that takes place. Jesus takes the two fish and five loaves of bread and instructs the disciples to start distributing it. This story becomes increasingly interesting to me, as I am certain if I was a discipline then I would be asking Jesus, “Hey what do you want me to do when the basket runs out?” The disciples don’t do that though. They simply begin to distribute the food, and it miraculously feeds five thousand people. Aside from how cool I think it would be to have a loaf of bread that never runs out, this is such an incredible example of God’s provision and trustworthiness. As the boy was faithful to give his lunch, and the disciples were faith-filled and obeyed Jesus’ instruction to distribute the food, God was faithful to them and brought an incredible blessing.

All of this is to say, Jesus is faithful and can be trusted. This story placed on my heart has reminded me and humbled me greatly of my need to surrender. As much as I love to operate on my own terms, there is so much greater in store when we choose to surrender to Jesus.

If you find yourself in a place where you are looking down at your “lunch” and wondering how it can possibly meet the seemingly endless needs before you, I challenge you to think bigger. Let go of the logic. Let go of your control, and place your offering into the hands of Jesus. Believe that the same One who used two fish and five loaves of bread to feed five thousand can do the same for you today.

Until next time,

Tamara

Loving the Lowercase

Helping people find their Purpose is something I’m really passionate about. I am a strong believer that God has created each and every person with a unique and specific calling. Whether the “Purpose” is leading, teaching, creating, repairing, helping, or something else, each human being possesses deep value and serves a significant role in the world. That being said, I have always struggled a bit to grasp and value the simple day-to-day life. I love having deep conversations about the “big things,” but the minor details and smaller events of life have never really phased me. I would even venture to say that I, at times, view daily tasks as irrelevant or pointless.

Recently, I feel God has been challenging me to refocus my perspective about the “small things.” While I am not suggesting that the jeans I pick out in the morning will make a difference in the way my day proceeds, I am learning that the little, seemingly “pointless” moments actually do matter. The small exchanges with a co-worker are important. The extra fifteen minutes taken to wash the dishes before bed are crucial. The quick phone call to a friend matters. The smile to a stranger in the parking lot is valuable.  While it’s hard to ever see what these small actions amount to, it is foolish to think that they do not matter. The little, seemingly insignificant moments can have a profound impact that goes beyond human understanding.

In my life currently, I have recently felt uninspired and frustrated with normalcy. I have settled into a job, am consistently attending church, and socialize with friends and family somewhat regularly. Yet, in the back of my mind, there is always a thought that troubles me. “What is the purpose of all of this anyway, and when will I fulfill the calling God has given me?”

Friends, today I want to encourage you with something I believe God has been speaking to me. I strongly sense God is calling me right now to “love the lowercase.” I am to cherish the moments that seem unimportant. I am to take action and respond to the small whispers I hear each day that challenge me to extend mercy. I am to enjoy and truly embrace every little opportunity to show kindness.

Each person, indeed, is designed with a deep purpose. There are things that make each human being unique and able to accomplish something significant. However, it is in the small, seemingly insignificant moments that we build character. It is in the little moments that things are set into motion. It is in the day-to-day, “lowercase” exchanges that the atmosphere shifts.

The “lowercase” matters. Therefore, I challenge you to join me in learning to love the “lowercase.”

Until next time,

Tamara

The Wilderness

Sometimes, we have to walk through the wilderness before reaching the Promised Land.

Have you ever been through a season of life where nothing seems to make sense, you’ve lost your sense of direction, and the end doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight?

Recently, I have gone through a pretty big transition in my life that could be considered “time in the wilderness.” After a seven month internship in Haiti, things abruptly changed as I was sent home four months early due to civil unrest. Three months have passed since then, and I have spent much of this time regrouping, contemplating what my future holds, applying to a seemingly endless number of jobs, and trying to find my place. The thoughts, “What am I doing?” “Where am I going?” and “What is the next step?” have troubled my mind throughout these months.

I would love to say that this whole time I have trusted in the Lord to direct my path and sustain me, but that is just not the full truth. There are several times in which I have grown weary, become frustrated, or even tried to take matters into my own hands. Despite my control-freak tendencies, it has become extremely clear that God has been using this time to grow my faith, teach me obedience, and stretch my patience.

Throughout this season, I am blessed to say that I have been taken care of very well. While my bank account wouldn’t exactly suggest I’m stable, God has provided for me and met every need in this time. In fact, He has even given me opportunities to bless others. He has reminded me that He is the One who supplies every need, not a job or a full bank account.

Additionally, this season has given me so many opportunities to meet with people and build friendships. If I was occupied with a job or school, I don’t believe I would have been able to maintain and grow in community in the way I have been able to throughout this time.

Finally, this season has given me a substantial amount of time to reflect, heal, and grow. If I’m being honest, I’ve struggled emotionally more this year than I have in a very long time. I do not find it to be coincidental that when I got home and immediately tried to press “go,” God closed some doors and forced me into a time of “pause.”

The wilderness is often something people like to skip over or ignore as part of the process. In reality though, we often have to go through the wilderness before reaching the Promised Land. I wholeheartedly believe God has great, big plans for every person. However, it is often in the moments of waiting and uncertainty that we are able to grow and prepare for all that He has planned.

“Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know that in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord God disciplines you. Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to Him and revering Him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills, a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey, a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing,” Deuteronomy 8:4-9

Until next time,

Tamara  

The Story of a Girl and Faith

Before she was born, there was a complication. She was breech. Her parents were faith-filled believers and trusted that God would take care of her. She was born healthy with no issues.

She spent her first few years in three different states. Her dad had a job that required relocating and travel.

It seemed that no matter where she went, it ended up feeling like home. She always remembered going to church. Even at age two, she remembered the kind pastor who looked like Santa Claus, always greeting her with a smile.

Before she was at an age where she could really grasp what was happening, her grandpa started to get sick. He had dementia, her parents told her. She was sad and confused about what this meant. Although she didn’t really comprehend the illness, she was able to spend several moments with her grandpa. She always remembered him saying, “It’s good to be alive,” and, “God is good.”  

During this same time frame, there was some exciting news. She was going to have another brother!

She started school. She met some friends that brought her great joy and fun. Her little brother was born. She loved having an older brother and a younger brother, being sandwiched in between.

One day after Sunday school, she was sitting in bed and thinking about hearing the story of Jesus. She remembered her mom and dad always telling her about God in their lives. She also thought about how Grandpa used to say, “God is good.” She decided she wanted to have Jesus in her life too. She prayed asking Jesus to come into her life, and felt excited about this new change.

Her grandpa died. She remembered sitting in her mom’s lap the last day she saw him. The room was peaceful. People were reading Scripture and singing. She was sad, but felt calm because Mom and Dad said Grandpa was going to Heaven.

Just two months after her grandpa died, the girl and her family welcomed another member! A baby brother. She was so excited.

In third grade, she found out she was going to have to switch schools. She wondered how she would ever make friends again. She was upset and worried. She prayed that God would help her through this. To her surprise, she quickly made new friends. She liked going to a school that she could ride her bike to, and she enjoyed her new teachers.

In fifth grade, the news came that she would be moving to another state. She wasn’t just sad this time. She was angry. She had just made new friends, and she was going to have to do it all over again! Not to mention, she was leaving much of her family behind.

Right around this time, her other grandpa was starting to get very sick. She became very sad, and wondered why God was letting all this happen.

She finished out the school year, then packed up and said goodbye to the familiar. Within the first couple weeks of living in a new place, she met a girl at church who would later become her best friend.

When she started school, she was surprised to find many new friends there too. Without putting forth too much effort, there seemed to be a constancy of people in her life that made it less lonely. Furthermore, her new church was a place that she felt welcomed and challenged.

Nonetheless, the middle school and high school years were difficult. As she started to get older, she began to wonder what her purpose was. She sought deep meaning, and struggled to find value. She found herself possessing questions that she couldn’t find the answers to. She began to wonder if God was truly all-loving and all-powerful, why He allowed certain things to happen.

Reading the Bible and going to church weren’t cutting it. She wanted to hear from God. It seemed like He was silent.

It was in this phase of life that she began to spend more time praying, listening, and asking God the hard questions. She found some mentors that encouraged her to be patient and continue to seek God.

On a typical night in youth group, she found herself feeling so far from hearing God’s voice. There was an opportunity to come to the altar of the church that night. She had plans to go hang out with friends, and was not really up for “waiting on the Lord.” However, in that moment she felt Him actually speak to her to stay. So, she stayed.

That night, she was baptized with the Holy Spirit.

This moment served as a reminder to her that God does see, and while the answers may not have always come in the way she expected, He was there with her. He could fulfill her and guide her if she was patient and let Him in.

Upon graduating high school, the questions of purpose and value began to seep back in. She wondered what she was going to do with her life. What was she going to study in college? When would she get married? What would adulthood look like?

She spent a few years in a state of uncertainty. She took her questions to God, and went through ups and downs of trusting in Him, then getting angry about waiting.

In due time, little pieces of clarity and direction came. A trip to Haiti opened her eyes to God’s goodness and joy amidst turmoil. Surely with her access to resources and lifestyle, she would be able to find joy too.

Through the years of college, her passions became clearer. Writing gave her an outlet to process life struggles. Worship music gave her a way to interact with God and the Church in a special way.

Eventually, she settled on a college major and thought she had a “game plan.” She became consumed with plans. She had vision, and she was ready to jump into what she thought was her purpose.

After graduating college, she was interviewing for jobs that were in her field. She was applying to grad schools. She was gearing up for the next stage in the progression. Yet, nothing seemed to take hold. No job seemed to fit, and the grad schools she wanted to attend declined her applications.

She was frustrated. It felt like another year of floundering had gone by.

Then, something came up that reminded her of who was directing her life. She heard a word from God. The word was “jodia,” meaning today, or “seize the day” in Haitian Creole.

She remembered the deep love and connection God had given her for the country of Haiti, and felt this was a call to action to spend some extended time there.

After a couple months had gone by, things were looking pretty stagnant. Just before settling on a last-choice graduate school, she was presented with the opportunity to move to Haiti for a year.

She was scared and unsure. This wasn’t exactly in the plan. Yet, she felt she was supposed to do it, so she went.

Her time in Haiti was a lot of learning. She had many incredible moments, many moments of frustration, and a constant process of relying on the Holy Spirit to make up for her cultural ignorance and insecurities.

A curveball came, and she ended up having to leave much sooner than anticipated. She took the news with sadness. She once again found herself wondering what God’s plan was, and how He would make it work.

TODAY, she is reflecting and reminded of the good Father that she has followed over the years. In times of doubt, Jesus Christ has been the guiding force that has kept her stable.

She remembers all the moments He has been faithful thus far.

Today, she remembers that the same God who sent His son to die on a cross, the same God who got her family through times of grief, the same God who provided for her in ways she never expected, the same God who led her on a journey that would grow her in ways she didn’t even know she needed to, the same God who loved her and gave her purpose, the same God who flipped a plan at the last second to be something so much greater, and the same God who gave her peace in every stressful situation is the One with her today.

She doesn’t know what is next. However, she knows her hope is founded in a faithful father.

Until next time,

Tamara

From Schedules to Surrender

I’m a lover of plans. I didn’t truly even recognize this quality within myself until I moved to a culture in which plans and schedules were secondary, and anything could change at a moment’s notice. For those who are naturally gifted in flexibility and “going with the flow,” I sure do admire you! While plans certainly have their place and are necessary to function in society, there is a beauty and vulnerability within flexibility that allows for mighty moves of the Holy Spirit.

For those who don’t know, my “plans” have been on a bit of a rollercoaster for the past several months. From planning to start graduate school and being called to do an internship in Haiti instead, to moving out of an apartment and losing roommates on a short notice, to being evacuated from a country I’ve grown to love with only 36 hours to pack and say goodbye, I’ve had my fair share of plans being changed.

Talking to friends and family during this phase of life, I have often joked about what tomorrow may bring, stating that you just never know!

Jokes aside, though, it really is interesting to think about what this phase of unpredictability has taught me. I have pondered the questions, “What if I had stuck to my own plan and started graduate school?” “What if I had avoided the path set before me to satisfy my personal desires?” “What if I took the periods of great uncertainty as an opportunity to give up on God?”

I don’t know where I would be right now if I simply pursued my own will in life, but I do know that I would be missing out on meeting some incredible people, experiencing some beautiful moments, and learning some really hard lessons. Most of all, I think I could have easily lost sight of my need for Jesus.

While I am very much still in the process of pursuing God in complete surrender, trust, and obedience, He has taught me some very important lessons through this process.

1.  God does not operate within the constraints of human time and understanding.

Yikes. As much as I don’t like this point, it is really true. It may take years to understand why God has put me on the course that He has. I may never fully grasp the purpose of each turn on the route. Rather, His plans are grander than I can understand and have divine timing.

2. God is always up to something bigger, better, and more powerful than I could ever expect!

Now this point, I like! I’m not going to lie, being obedient to God in this season has been tough. However, some of the relationships I have built and experiences I have had really make it all worth it. There were a number of occasions during my time in Haiti that I just sat back and thought, “Wow, I never could have orchestrated something as cool as this to happen.” Through the hard moments and the Spirit-filled moments, I have learned that God is always working below the surface to do something deep and remarkable.

As a true lover of plans, I want to encourage you today to, perhaps, loosen the reins of your own control over plans. As difficult as it is to be obedient and wholeheartedly trust God with every step, He is SO GOOD and SO FAITHFUL. He can be trusted.

Despite the rollercoaster this season has been, God has taken care of me every step! He has honored my faithfulness, and comforted me in the unknown. He has protected me, taught me, guided me, empowered me, and blessed me abundantly. Likewise, I am trusting Him with whatever is next! If you find yourself in a similar state of uncertainty, I urge you to do the same.

God’s plans are bigger, better, and more powerful than we could ever expect.

Until next time,

Tamara

The Race

Outside of the periodic photograph, I never truly documented my journey of accomplishing a life goal: to run a 10k race. As I am now several months removed from this feat (and certainly in worse physical shape), it is interesting to look back on this season in my life. I never could have imagined how much the physical stretching, pain, and triumph would teach me and prepare me for actual life.

As cliché as it may seem, life is truly like a really long run sometimes. Before the race begins, there’s a ton of necessary prep work that nobody will ever see. There’s a beginning, there’s an end, and there’s a bunch of stuff in the middle that makes you feel like you’re going to throw up. Oh, and there’s also some beautiful moments along the way too. All of these facets are necessary parts to a race, as well as necessary parts to life.

Without completely boring you, I’d like to briefly share some of the parallels between running and life I’ve learned that have become very meaningful to me.

1.       Prior to the “start,” there is intentional thought, preparation, and hard work that must take place.

Leading up to my 10k, the preparation could easily be identified as the hardest part. Nearly every day of the week I forced myself to run a little bit further. No matter what “pump up” music I had playing, it was tough. Many days felt like I would never make it to 6.2 miles. Progress seemed slow. However, it was the diligence of running each day that led my body to be able to reach its necessary fitness level for the race.

In terms of my life, things are not all that different. I believe God has called me to do something involving trauma therapy, and maybe something long-term in Haiti. This is obviously something that does not just happen automatically. While God has certainly given me some skills and abilities that will help me, there is a necessary learning and pruning process that has to take place first.

2.       The starting line is filled with energy, support, and encouragement.

The adrenaline rush that comes at the start a race is hard to put into words. Disregarding the fact that I got lost driving in Detroit and almost missed my race, it was an invigorating experience to watch time countdown to the moment for which I had been waiting and preparing. Many people were there cheering in support as I, along with the other runners, took off to begin the race.

I feel it is a similar experience in life. I have always found people I love and care about to be present during the big moments. Whether it was my first baby step, my first speech, or my send-off to Haiti, there was excitement, support, and encouragement that surrounded me in each starting moment.

3.       The middle is sparse in support, but small acts in the midst of everything become deeply important.

Once I got into my 10k race, there weren’t too many people around. The runners dispersed and cheering supporters were relatively infrequent. However, I had a friend with me that had agreed to run the race. She was clearly more fit than I, and could’ve evidently outran me. However, each time I had to slow down to catch my breath and told her she could run ahead, she told me “No, I’m running the race with you. Take your time. We’re going to finish this together.” This meant so much to me to have someone willing to run the race by my side, even if it meant setting her back.

One thing I love about life, is there is someone who has promised to never leave my side, no matter how much I slow down or get discouraged. While God didn’t promise a perfect or easy path, He promises to be there with His children through each moment. For that, I am so grateful!

4.       There are inevitable challenges that will try to throw you off course.

I’m not sure what other people have experienced in 10k races, but my experience was certainly frustrating at points. Around mile four or five, the race was supposed to reroute, and it became extremely unclear where to run. As I was running at a slower pace, I found this out after catching up to a confused group of other runners. We all had to talk together to see if we could find the way. Eventually, we ran into a kind man that had already finished and had come back to direct the correct path.

My life has definitely been full of confusing moments and challenges that have tempted me to get off course. Nothing is worse than getting close to a goal, then finding out about an unforeseen obstacle that must be crossed first. Nonetheless, it is in these moments I have learned that I must push through and persevere to finish the goal God has set before me. Notably, God has never left me hanging in the face of an obstacle. He has always managed to provide the knowledge or help needed to make it through.

5.       There’s hope and joy that comes with envisioning the finish line.

Prior to actually running the race, I thought the last mile would be the hardest. That was not the case. In reality, knowing that I was almost to the finish line made me very excited and gave me additional energy to finish strong. There’s something about knowing you’ve almost made it to the end that brings great joy!

I imagine it is similar in life. While I definitely feel I am still in the middle of the race of life, I can’t help but believe there’s a special spark of joy that comes before completion. God has given me goals and vision for the future, and will continue to do so throughout my life. It will be so exciting to approach these milestones.

6.       Regardless of how the ending looks, there is a beauty and honor in completion.

My 10k was somewhat lackluster in excitement at the end, as most people had already finished and the 5k runners were standing there preparing to start. However, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face running through the finish line. It didn’t matter how long it took me or what was happening around me. I completed a life goal, and there was great joy in that experience.

In life, I can’t wait to see what it will be like once my time and God’s purpose in me has been completed. While there may not be a huge crowd of support on earth, the honor that God gives will be unmatched. It is my greatest hope and goal that when I complete my journey of life, God will say to me with a smile and sincerity, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

If you made it through this entire post, I commend you for your diligence in finishing this “race.” It is my hope that no matter what stage of life you find yourself in, that you would keep running. Trust that God is good. Continue to pursue His goals for your life. Don’t be discouraged by the minor setbacks. Remember that God went before you, is running right beside you, and will be there at the very end.

Until next time,

Tamara